Life's Journey

Male Andropause

2011-03-11T01:18:00.000-05:00

My doctor told me a few weeks ago, after my annual physical, that I had low testosterone levels. So. He put me on hormone replacement therapy. I had three choices: an Intra-muscular injection done bi-weekly. a 24 hour patch that I would change every day, or testosterone cream that I would apply to my shoulder and arms. The only problem with the last option is that woman and children could not touch me when I had the cream on. It may cause birth-defects and unusual genitalia in children. After all this info,
I decided on the patch since it seems to be the less risky, less painful option.

Well I am almost a month into the therapy and I think I DO notice a change or two. I do have more energy and I not quite as depressed as I was. The only negative side-effect that I have encountered so far is the increase in Sleep Apnea. I know I should be wearing my CPAP Machine in order to get the best night's sleep possible. Thing is, if you don't wear it, and wear the patch, you are setting your self up for a whole lot of problems later in life? Apnea can cause depression and even death.

So, my next step is to get my CPAP machine running. We have found most of the new parts, many of the old pipes and tanks have gone moldy and most be replaced. So, wish me luck to see that if next week I wear my patch and my CPAP machine mask, that my life will greatly improve (or I will at least be able create a coherent sentence).

The State of Gay Cinema

2010-12-04T20:38:00.001-05:00

Have you tried to rent a good gay movie lately? Maybe even a romance with a happy ending? I know I have. Many times I thought I had found what I was looking for, only to see violence or heartbreak at the end.

What is it about gay independent films that so many of them are so dark? Hasn't gay life gotten any better in the last twenty years? Shouldn't someone be reflecting that on film? There are a few good directors out there who always end their romances with a positive message. I end up watching their movies over and over sometimes. My life is dark enough, I don't really need to see it on the screen.

I tried watching Clapham Junction last night. It is an English made for TV movie, not to be confused with what the networks put on here in America. There is nudity (hooray) and graphic violence (boooo). I had seen the list of stars of this film, many from the Merchant/Ivory oeuvre. Even some from the BBC. When I read the film was made to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the decriminalization of homosexuality in Britain, I guess I thought I might see something uplifting.

If this film is a reflection of gay life in London, I won't be going there any time soon. The most touching scene is between a pedophile and his 14 year old seducer. The gay bashings shown in the film were actually based on true events. So much for the enlightened British. While the production values and acting were superb, the film left me haunted, thinking that anyone could be capable of such violence. Especially, as it turns out, a self-loathing gay man.

I think I will stick with the simpler and more romantic films. Films like Arizona Sky or Regarding Billy. The acting and production values may not be as strong, but the stories behind them are far more uplifting. Maybe this is why I don't like reality television. Maybe it is true... reality bites.

The Gay Dichotomy

2010-12-02T18:38:00.019-05:00

For many years now there has been a largely unspoken division among gay men. Many gay men are not comfortable around especially effeminate men, and don't often understand how the transgendered fit into our movement. I have struggled with these issues myself for a long time and I can't say I have come up with any concrete solutions.

Every time I see a Carson Kressley or a Perez Hilton on television, I just want to cringe. They seem to personify the worst gay stereotype there is. Bitchy, queeny, mean and after anything in pants, especially a straight man. Every time I see an ad for any of Rupaul's drag shows, I also cringe. I don't understand why these type of men are so dominant in the mainstream and even the gay media. It's as if all gay men want to be women, or as close as they can get.

I'm not saying anyone at anytime should be harassed or marginalized for being different. I just don't understand why the bitchiness always has to be there. I think that is the thing that turns many gay and straight men off the most. I have many friends who are gentle or effeminate, but very kind at heart. They are often the kind of people you want to surround yourself with. Good and kindhearted people. I don't understand why anyone would ever be bothered or feel threatened by them.

Underlying this whole discussion is the idea that to be gay one is naturally effeminate. And that being masculine is somehow considered straight-acting. This is so far from the truth. I know many effeminate straight guys, and many hyper-masculine gay men. I think the only thing that defines a man as homosexual, is that he wants to have sex or a relationship with another man. Then there are the men who just want the sex, but never the relationship. We call those guys toe-tapping senators from Idaho.

Telling someone who is gay that they have internalized homophobia because they don't like being around bitchy queens is ridiculous. It is not an innate characteristic of gay men to be effeminate. It seems to me to be more of a subcultural expectation. That somehow inside every gay man is a flamer just waiting to be set free. I have no such feelings, and most of the gay men I know don't either.

Then there is the transgendered issue. How the issue of gender identity became a part of the gay rights movement is beyond me. Sexual orientation is a simpler and more readily understood concept. Changing one's gender is far more jarring for most people. Both the one transitioning and those around them. I cannot imagine what the transgendered have to go through. They are treated the worst by society. Even by many gays. Maybe as the gay rights movement was being born and the drag queens were the first to fight back, that got mixed up with the transgendered issue (a totally different concept).

So what are we to make of all this internecine confusion? I think we are in the middle of a subcultural war here in America. Anyone who dares to speak against the gay orthodoxy is often criticized and marginalized. Even though we are fighting for tolerance, we seem intolerant of those who don't tow the party line. There is more than one way to be gay. If most gays don't understand why the media has made the negative gay stereotype the norm again, I have to join in their argument. Maybe that is because straights are only comfortable with what they have seen in the past, and can't grasp the fact that most gay men are just regular guys? Not bitchy, or mean or prissy.

I would like to see a more balanced portrayal of gay men in the gay and mainstream media. The gay joke shorthand always seems to involve some gay man getting in touch with his inner girl. Using the feminine pronoun and calling each other girlfriend. It was fun at first (twenty years ago), but now it seems that everyone believes that's all gay men can and want to be. This kind of thinking diminishes us all.

Click on the title box of this entry to find an interesting link about gays everywhere.

2 Teens Charged In Landry Case - Detroit Local News Story - WDIV Detroit

2009-08-26T22:07:00.000-04:00

It seems that every day we hear more and more stories of senseless violence being perpetrated on innocent victims. Some like to blame it on the economy, but this story can’t be about that. It makes no sense.

I can see a random robbery or even a car-jacking during hard times. But to murder someone, for no apparent reason, even when it goes against reason and logic, let alone morality, just makes no sense to me?

I guess I have to believe that drugs were involved, that no one in their right mind would kill someone for no apparent reason. I don’t know if I believe this because I want to protect my own sanity, or because I really believe it is the truth. I suppose I don’t want to live in a world where you can be snatched from a Wal-Mart parking lot in the middle of the day, in the suburbs no less. I even give them my car and everything I can get from my ATM, and still they kill me. It has to be substance abuse, or a drug deal gone bad. Please let it be just that. Sad as that is. Please let it not be a generation of straight men who are learning to care little for anyone, except themselves.

The heterosexual male is probably one of the most dangerous creatures on our planet today. If only something can be done about these people. When they aren’t out killing their wives, girlfriends and exes, they are nabbing folks from parking lots in the middle of the day and killing them. Or walking into a fitness center to shoot and kill women, just because they can’t get a date.

Maybe one day our society will be run by women and gay men and the only things we might have to fear in the ‘burbs are crimes of fashion and bad taste.

2 Teens Charged In Landry Case - Detroit Local News Story - WDIV Detroit

CNN Political Ticker: All politics, all the time Blog Archive - Miss California to star in TV ad from conservative group « - Blogs from CNN.com

2009-04-29T19:42:00.001-04:00

Prejean, we just met a girl named Prejean. And who do we have to thank for creating another right-wing saint… Perez Hilton. The most embarrassing gay ambassador we have.

You know, if he had just taken the high road first, instead of last, it might not have been so bad. But what the media has ended up with is basically, “bitchy queen attacks poor Christian college girl”.

Now I know we all have different opinions, and she is certainly entitled to hers. You could tell she was nervous, talking about “in my country we believe in opposite marriage”. And what country do the rest of us live in? Shades of Sarah Palin and the Real America flap. She was asked a pointed political question, as were most of the other contestants. Trouble is, she knew there was no right answer that would please everyone. I guess a Miss USA contestant can’t be just for world peace anymore.

My next question is, in what world are we living in where Perez Hilton is chosen as a judge for a Miss USA pageant? The man is a gossip blogger, and usually a mean one at that. I did hear one old guy being interviewed about the issue and he said, “what’s he doing judging a contest with a bunch of pretty girls anyway?” I had to laugh at that too. How desperate were they for judges???

I hope this one goes the way of Sarah Palin and the Republican majority in Congress. Into the history books as quickly as possible.

CNN Political Ticker: All politics, all the time Blog Archive - Miss California to star in TV ad from conservative group « - Blogs from CNN.com

Same-Sex Marriage Legalized in Vermont | News | Advocate.com

2009-04-08T13:32:00.001-04:00

I have to tell you, I really did not think this was going to happen. But, it is the first time a state legislature has approved gay marriage, and by a super majority vote to boot. It actually brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.

Of course, the right wing has already started in on Vermont. Where formerly they complained endlessly about activist courts, now they are saying that gay marriage should not be approved by those courts or legislatures either. It should only be approved by a vote of the people. And the rules just keep on changing to fit their one track minds.

Like we need another vote of “the people” to know that we are unpopular. That is why Madison designed our three branches of government, in order to protect unpopular causes or groups from the tyranny of the majority. If you took a poll and asked most Americans where Iraq was on the map, most couldn’t even find it. Ask them about the Constitution and they know even less. Yea, I want these folks voting on my life.

Our job now is to keep the ball rolling, at least in New England. We shall see what happens next. Stay tuned…

Same-Sex Marriage Legalized in Vermont | News | Advocate.com

Iowa high court strikes down same-sex marriage ban - CNN.com

2009-04-03T21:02:00.000-04:00

Now why can’t the California Supreme Court use the same logic and say that their ban violates the equal protection clause of their constitution as well? And this was a unanimous vote in Iowa. A proudly open-minded mid-western state. God I hope this sticks.

Iowa high court strikes down same-sex marriage ban - CNN.com

Vermont House OKs gay marriage | News Story on 365gay.com

2009-04-03T10:47:00.001-04:00

I know they needed 100 votes to get a veto proof majority, and they only got 95. But some members of the state house said they would vote in favor of same sex marriage if it came down to getting it past the governor’s veto.

And how did Vermont end up with a Republican governor when the dems have such a large majority in both state houses? And if they had to have a Republican governor, you think being from Vermont he would at least be a moderate.

It should be very interesting to see how this turns out.

Vermont House OKs gay marriage | News Story on 365gay.com

On Making it to the Promised Land

2009-03-29T19:48:00.003-04:00

Well folks, I finally made it to retirement. As of last Thursday, I am a free man. No more having to get up in the morning, having to be someplace every single day. I am so happy to have that burden lifted off my shoulders.

Now I get to start living what I like to call my real life. That would include facing the fact that my dog was just diagnosed with diabetes. Feeding her and medicating her on a regular schedule will now be my new full time job. I also have many, many projects to start inside my house, and when Spring actually arrives (it is currently snowing outside), I have even more projects to work on outside.

So, what joy is this you say? Going from one plate full of responsibilities to another? Well, just knowing that my responsibilities are only going to be about me and my household seems to make it all worthwhile. I know that some day I will be able to travel and take it easy, but right now I just want to get my house in order and take it from there.

As I watch the local and national news I have to wonder about the world that I've retired into. I know that nothing in life is guaranteed (not even another tomorrow), but I still want to give it all my best shot. So here's hoping for a brighter tomorrow for all of us.

How Many Ways to be Gay???

2009-02-09T21:03:00.006-05:00

I tried to follow the Ted Haggard story last week, but I got lost somewhere in the middle of Oprah. Ted says he is a heterosexual man with homosexual attachments. He states that he is not gay. It all made me think of some of the other famous cases of this type. Larry Craig for example. He also proclaimed loudly that he was not gay.

The gays are attacking saying "come out of the closet", the straights are saying he needs to seek help and forgiveness. Me, I find myself somewhere in the middle, dazed and confused.

Kinsey and his Scale tell us that most of us fall somewhere in between totally straight and totally gay. That sexuality is fluid and can change over time. I have to say that that sounds closest to the truth of anything I have heard. I do believe that some men can be physically attracted to other men, but find it impossible to even consider a romantic attachment. The attraction is strictly physical, they see it as their dirty little secret, rather like wanting to be spanked. Not something that defines them outside of the bedroom.

As to how these men ended up this way, there are many roads they may have followed. The most common road seems to be when they are brought up in a very strict religious household. As they become adults they do not see through all they have been taught, but rather buy into it with great alacrity. What better way to hide than to join the enemy camp. This is how we get our Larry Craigs and Ted Haggards. Fear can be a powerful tool for development. Even on Generation X and Y, it still seems to be working that way. How incredibly sad.

Imagine having your heart pull you one way, and your sex drive pull you another. How sad for you, and for the family you create. More often than not, the wife is the husband's fiercest defender. She too becomes victim to this battle between how he sees himself, and who he really is.

For men of the baby boom generation, I think it is too late to try and save them from themselves. They have spent 50 or 60 years seeing themselves as a flawed heterosexual, rather than as a gay or bisexual man. Trying to redefine yourself at that age requires great strength of character, strength that most men don't possess. Especially not after they have built a life around this duality.

This looks like one of those issues that will never resolve itself. We can only hope that this type of behavior will diminish as the generations pass, and society becomes more enlightened. I want to believe in a tomorrow where kids can grow up to be themselves, so long as what they are does not harm anyone (Jeffery Dahmer needed to be a little less himself). Here's hoping for fewer Teds and Larrys in our future.

We're On Our Way

2009-01-25T15:08:00.003-05:00

I am writing this from very early in the first Obama administration. All hopes that he can get us out of all the messes we are in are still high. His wish to rid ourselves of the partisan rancor we have lived with since Reagan is still a possibility. That is, unless you listen to the right-wing radio commentators. They would surely go out of business if we all started to move to the middle and didn't want to hear their extreme views any more.

I know there will always be ideologues, and that is a good thing. They help us to change and to grow. That is until their new ideas become old ones, and they still have not been accepted. Trouble is, they never seem to know when that is. Living in their own little bubble doesn't give them any kind of perspective at all. Like Bush and Cheney leaving office and telling us that every thing they did was fine (especially Cheney). I can't wait to see what history has to say about them. Already they are saying that Cheney was pulling all the strings in the first term. It wasn't until Cheney's henchmen went to visit AG Ashcroft in the hospital that Bush found out what was going on behind his back.

Enough of the past. We must now look to the future, to the promise of another day. We can end the wars in the middle-east. We can find a middle ground with North Korea. We may even be able to find a way to trade fairly with China. Obama is right, in that he can not do this alone. He will need all of us, all of our support, to get through these tough times. And he does have a plan, which is more than I can say for Bush/Cheney.

So, as this new administration begins the difficult tasks ahead, let's keep them all in our hearts and minds, and in our prayers. Yes we can...

Brave New World

2008-11-08T13:46:00.003-05:00

It seems that, once again, America has become the land of possibilities. Anyone can succeed, no matter how great the odds. So long as they try.

Along with the tidal wave of change that came in on November 4, 2008, a setback was dealt to gay people all over the country. What a mixed message gays and lesbians recieved. We Shall Overcome, but not you people.

The most ironic thing in all this was Prop 8 in California. It turns out that Blacks and Hispanics, who turned out big time for Obama, voted overwhelmingly for Prop 8. Among Blacks it was 69%for the proposition that all men aren't created equal, and you people just aren't as equal as the rest of us. The oppressed, who you think would understand the power of predjudice, became the oppressor. Let's hope this is the not the Brave New World we will be living in.

Once I get past the four states that voted to keep gays as second or third class citizens, I start thinking of all the changes that will be taking place in Washington. The Contitution will be coming back into favor, the Supreme Court may be set right (by that I mean more moderates), and we may even get some of our civil liberties back. I still have to pinch myself to make sure it is all real.

Congratulations America, we have made it into a new era. There is still hope that we will be the dominant power on earth in the 21st century, just as we were in the 20th.

Finally, Crunch Time

2008-10-19T16:26:00.003-04:00

So, here we are, just over two weeks from election day, and things are tightening up in the polls. I have to admit that this presidential race has been way too long (twenty months). I hope they don't start the next election cycle next year. They need to keep it focused on the election year itself.

It has been an unusual race this time. I think thanks to both McCain and Obama, the culture wars are on the sidelines. Not much has been made of this in the media, and that is such a relief. Especially when you consider the gay marriage votes coming up in California and Mass. This leaves us free to focus more on the economy. Or in McCain's case, anything from Bill Ayers to Joe the Plumber. For all the talk about tactics versus strategy, McCain keeps changing his tactics with the wind (suspending his campaign, attack ads, Joe) without really having any strategy. I only hope he maintains this lack of strategy until November 4th.

I watched John and Barack at the Al Smith Memorial Dinner in NYC last Thursday. McCain was clearly the winner there, being both funny and touching. When he started talking about Barack's place in history, etc. he had me tearing up. That is the classy John McCain I remember from years past. The one who spoke from his heart and did what he really thought was right. If that man had been visible during the debates, the race would be much tighter now.

Barack did a good job too, he just didn't knock it out of the park like McCain did. And this was all in front of a group of Manhattan Democrats. It was nice to see a different side of both of them.

If Senator Obama does win, to me anyway, it will be a sign that the country has turned a corner. That the years of racism and division are going to be behind us, and that we can look to a brighter future where we can all work together to become one America again.

From Russia, With Love

2008-08-15T20:54:00.004-04:00

So those dirty commies are at it again. But I thought Ronald Reagan saved us from all that? Didn't he tell someone they needed to tear down that wall. He was sooo forceful.

I can't believe even Bush did not see this coming. Putin is so clearly KGB 2.0 that he could play a commie in a comic book. As for the "President" of Russia, well he could play a nice business executive type, in a Nancy Drew mystery. Of course when Bush heard they invaded Georgia, he probably asked if Atlanta was burning.

Barack didn't handle this too well either. He needs to get a little more forceful when it comes to something this clear cut. He is just handing the whole Georgian thing over to McBush. It's nice to look all friendly and presidential with our allies, but you gotta kick some bad-guy butt sometimes too (at least verbally).

I hope Georgia makes it back in one piece. We need their pipelines and their fossil fuels (and their ports). I'm surprised Bush hasn't at least sent some ships into the Black Sea. I'm sure they would fit through the straits and the Sea of Marmara (some of them). We need to let the Russians know that they are being watched. Their arrogance cannot go unchecked. Now is a good time to actually use some cowboy diplomacy, not when you are attacking a small nation run by a two-bit dictator.

Enough ranting, I'm sure most Americans are as fed-up as I am. We all thought we were past the cold war, and now, here it it again. What other messes can Mr. Bush bring our way in his last few months in office. When I think of what the world was like eight years ago, and what a mess it is now, I could just spit (if it wasn't so messy). Lord have mercy on the Georgians and deliver us from this fool soon.

Becoming An Obama Nation

2008-07-26T19:14:00.005-04:00

I know we haven't really talked much about the current political situation as regards the presidential race. I was for Hillary, and I am now switching over to Obama. It is not that I ever disliked him, it's just that there is so much covert racism in the country, that he steps out of the box with that burden tied to his leg.

I did enjoy watching him overseas this past week. He went toe-to-toe with world leaders and came out looking like a rock star. Not too bad for the junior senator from Illinois. Pissed McCain off to no end. He couldn't even get six people to come together to hear him speak at a German restaurant in Columbus. It is not that he is a bad guy, it is just that the independent John McCain we all loved died when he began running for president. He had to cater to his base, and that just turned me off right there. As John Stewart put it, he has gone over to the dark side.

I came up with a great idea for an ad from MoveOn.org. They could show the past eight years worth of political and international blunders from the Bush White House, then show the future with another Republican in the White House. Then call that twelve year period the McBush presidency. Then say, don't vote for more McBush, vote for a change in leadership, vote Obama. Someone has proably already thought of this and I just haven't been paying attention. I am trying to keep up.

I see the price of gas is staying below $4 a gallon this week. At least here in southeast Michigan. I hope this continues for a while. The whole country (and the world) could use a break right now. I know that China and India subsidize the price of gasoline in their countries, so the price of oil hasn't really hit the common folk there yet. But everywhere else in the world, it is getting increasingly more difficult to live. In Europe, the price of gasoline is twice what it is here. Not that that is new, but $9 a gallon for gas makes me feel like I'm getting a bargain over here. They do pay a lot more in tax per gallon than we do, but boy-oh-boy, that's a lot of money for a gallon of gas.

We have less than 100 days until the election and I'm sure it is going to be a roller coaster ride all the way.

The State of the Nation

2008-07-17T17:54:00.008-04:00

I just can't believe that we have come to this. $4.25 for gallon of gas, groceries and even staple items up 20%, floods and wildfires everywhere. In 2000, before we elected King George II, could any of us have imagined the world we live in today?

Yes, I know the terrorists changed a lot of our world, but it was our blunder in Iraq, our taking our eye off the ball and away from the terrorists, that has lead to some of this mess (see high oil prices, food prices). Then there is global warming, which the Bush White House has only recently acknowledged as being real, that has caused other problems. Then, what is left of our dear old Constitution, after this president promised to preserve, protect and defend it. When will we get America back?

Worst housing slump since World War II!?!? Something even my parents could never have imagined in their lifetime. We thought that America was past all this, that things could only get better. Then we put a moron in the White House, and he brought in some less than talented cronies, and here we are, almost eight years later. What a mess.

They only good news I have seen lately is the marriage thing in California, and now maybe even Mass. will allow out of state folks to marry. That sounds like a nice summer vacation, drive to Boston, get married, visit New England. Of course I could just go across the river to Windsor and get married, but I guess I prefer an American license over a Canadian one.

I hope I didn't rant too long. Some days I just wake up and cannot believe the mess we are in. I keep looking for Alice in this crazy, upside-down world.

I think this photo may illustrate how we are all feeling lately, like we've been kissed by a bus.

On Getting On

2008-07-15T18:23:00.010-04:00

No, this is not a picture of me. Not even twenty years ago. I just wanted to get everyone's attention. I hope it worked.

I was thinking (that happens every now and then) about this whole aging thing. It hit me when I turned forty, then really hit me when I turned fifty. Now that I have had so many friends and loved ones die of cancer and other diseases, it has knocked me for a loop. These people were all around my age. I always thought they would be around forever (just like me-I hope). Now I have to go on without them. It all leaves me feeling totally confused and kind of empty inside.

I see my parents, who are both turning 83 this year, talking about having to go to so many funerals all the time. Yet, they never seem to lose their enthusiasm for tomorrow. I don't know how they can look at a news story about what may happen in the next ten years, and not think that they may not be here then. I can only hope that I will be that way when I am their age. I know that worrying about tomorrow can become a full time job for some seniors, and I don't want to be one of them. Besides, it does absolutely no good to worry about it. We all need to plan for the future, but not obsess about our own mortality.

Now if I can only live by these words, not just say them. If I can just keep singing a song from the Rent soundtrack, No Day But Today. If I can stay focused on today, just getting through, maybe I will make it to a happy retirement (260 days and counting).

Here I Am Again

2008-07-15T17:50:00.001-04:00

Let me reintroduce myself. It has been a while since my last post.

How to make myself sound interesting, and not bitter. That is my first goal. It is a tough job, but I think I can do it.

I am a man born in the middle of the baby boom years, looking forward to retirement and all the peace and quiet that I hope it will bring. I don't have any illusions that it will really be the golden years, but I have hopes of days spent only doing things that I like to do. What a concept.

I also want to do more with my life. I find the greatest joy and fulfillment I get is when I do something for other people. Maybe it is the strong Lutheran upbringing that makes me want to give back to society. Maybe it is being a child of the sixties. That was an era when all right-thinking men and women wanted to do nothing but make the world a better place (and maybe get high).

I don't necessarily expect to do great things, but I would like to do good things (or good works as they are sometimes called). Now I just have to decide what these good things should be. If you have any ideas for me, feel free to post them in the comments section.

I can't save the world in a day, but I can sure try to do my little bit every day. Maybe I'll volunteer at a shelter or at the Salvation Army? Maybe I will work at the local community center??? Maybe I could even work on one of the presidential campaigns? So many choices.

Maybe I can decide all this tomorrow. That sounds like my best idea yet!

No Words of Comfort

2008-01-27T15:23:00.000-05:00

I have been feeling better of late, not as depressed as I had been in the past. Usually winter is the worst time of the year for me, but somehow I don't feel the gloom right now.

I do feel sad, however. Sad at the loss of two members of the same family in one week. Sad at two funerals I had to attend. Sad at the loss of one so talented as Heath Ledger, gone much too soon.

As I stood in the funeral home, I kept thinking, I wish I knew what to say. What words of comfort could I possibly give to anyone who has just lost her husband and her mother, his father and his grandmother... and to all the others who loved them? It is at times like this that we are most at a loss for words. Maybe it is because we cannot even fathom all that we are seeing.

What does is mean to see that body lying in the casket? Is that the person we knew and loved? Perhaps it is just the vessel that tied them to this place, and to us? How can we reach out and help others with things we can't even comprehend ourselves?

As I sat and listened to the words the preacher had to say, I tried my best to keep my emotions in check. Tried to show a comforting face to those around me, those in mourning. In the end, I think that's all we can offer them. Our presence, there, in that time and place. Perhaps the grieving take solace in the presence of all those who knew and loved the one they lost. Take comfort in knowing that they are not alone in this, no matter how empty they may feel inside.

The circle of life is all I can see right now. I see his son standing before us, looking so much like him. I see my friend living on through him. That is all I can comprehend. That is all I know that is real and understandable.

Happy Holidays

2007-12-15T10:21:00.002-05:00

So the holidays are almost here. Cable is filled with Christmas classic (and not so classic) movies. CNN talks of nothing but the next election (this one started way too early), and I have only a few days left before my Christmas break.

Big snow storm predicted for southeast Michigan this weekend. They predicted a big snow and ice storm for last weekend. That never happened here. Ended up further south in the plain states. I hope this weekend's storm stays away until next weekend. Then I won't have to worry about driving to work.

I tried watching the debates in Iowa this week. I am just so weary of this campaign. By the time the conventions are here I am sure I will be comatose. It is good to see that America still sees the Republicans for what they are. Mostly hypocrites who have turned to their base and forgotten everyone else. An entire generation has grown up thinking that the word Christian means: fundamentalist, evangelical, right wing kook. Could be why many kids today aren't that interested in religion.

I am hoping that the Democrats will bring some real Christians into their campaigns. Those who care about those less fortunate and want to help the helpless. Much like Jesus did. These Christians aren't obsessed with gays and politics. Imagine that.

It is at this festive time of year that we are most concerned about those in need. It has been this way for hundreds of years. Now is the time of year when we should most live our faith. If we see ourselves as an extension of God, than we should help all that we can. I don't know of anything that can bring greater joy than helping others.

I wish you and yours all the best, no matter what holiday you may be celebrating this time of year.

The Never Ending Story

2007-09-14T19:39:00.000-04:00

So now Mr. Bush has decided that he will do whatever the generals in the field tell him to do. Why wasn't he listening in 2003 when they all said they needed more troops to keep the peace than to fight the war? Or when they have told him that every year since then? Now he is hiding behind the generals because his failed policies have no chance of succeeding.

What we really need is a political surge, on many fronts. There is no way that this struggle can be won completely by military means alone. We must talk to all sides, we must talk to other countries in the region. Everyone must have a stake in this or it will never succeed.

Mr. Bush played right into Osama's hands when he brought our troops over there. Bush helped not only to get the Arabs to hate us, but much of the rest of the world as well. When I think back to all the good will that was generated around the 9/11 tragedy, and to see now that most of the world hates us more than they have at any time in our 231 year history as a nation, it makes me sick at heart. It will take us a long time to get back to where we were before the Bush debacle.

The other thing that really angered me this week was when Team Bush announced that yes, we would reduce the number of troops by 30,000 by next spring. So what if it just happens to be the same number of troops we sent over last spring for the surge. Why does everyone act like this is some great change of course that is being announced? We will end up where we started, with some minute progress in a few key areas.

Then we get to General Betray-us. According the the right-wing, he could walk on water. But when even he was asked if the fight there is making us safer at home, he replied that he didn't know if it was. That is as close to straight-shooting as he got all week. It just worries me that our military men are now an arm of the political machine. We need an open and honest military that will not take sides in any political debate, but give us the facts on the ground. We also need political leaders who will listen to the advice of those who are fighting the battle, and not only when it suits them (see above).

What a mess Mr. Bush will be leaving to the next president, no matter what party they come from. That will be his legacy, even a hundred years from now.

The Party of Hypocrisy

2007-08-30T20:12:00.000-04:00

How many times will we have to see a holier-than-thou Republican get caught with his pants down (or heading in that direction)? If they are not frequenting call girls, then they are writing lewd emails to pages, or hiring male prostitutes for a massage (and some drugs).

I have used public restrooms all my life, but I have never tapped my foot in the next stall, or even responded to a toe tapper. How anyone can cruise restrooms for sex, while someone in the next stall is taking a dump, is beyond me. I guess it is one of only a few outlets left for the closeted, usually married, gay man.

Of course, it all depends on how you define gay. Senator Craig may not really be gay, as I might define it. He may only want sex with men, but can't imagine any kind of romantic or emotional relationship with another man. What I like to call, half a gay man.

I hope it is a generational thing, happening to men who came of age before the gay liberation movement took hold. Or maybe it happens to someone who grew up in a backward state (for example Idaho) and never really felt the freedom that gay liberation can bring. I guess it just makes me sad to think that in 2007, there are so many men who can't live free and open lives. What damaged psyches and souls they must all have.

I don't think you can live this kind of life for long without it taking a toll on your mind and body. Living a dual life must result in raised stress levels, perhaps resulting in depression or at least some form of neurosis. Fighting something that basic to your very being may even lead to suicide.

How long will we have to wait before all gay teenagers will feel totally safe in every part of the country? I hear more and more stories about kids coming out at 12 and 15, but that usually only happens in larger metropolitan areas. Oh for the day when we are all treated as equals in this country. The rest of the world in another matter.

I know I am talking pie-in-the-sky, but I truly hoped this would all happen in my lifetime. I know we have made great progress in the last 40 years, but we still have so far to go. Sometimes I get discouraged, but then I try to lean toward the glass being half full. That seems to happen on most days.

Senator Craig grew up in a different era and in a less than progressive state. He bought all that was sold to him, and did not follow his own path. He followed the path that was expected of him. The path of least resistance. Could we have expected anything more from a man from his time and place?

So, let us all hope for a better day, and a better time, where we are not judged by something so intractable as our sexuality, but by what we do while we are here on this earth.

China, The Red Menace

2007-08-14T19:59:00.000-04:00

So here we all are, shocked that China would be sending us intentionally poisoned or defective products. This from a country that pays their workers an average of 17 cents an hour. Talk about cutting corners. I don't have time to repeat all the shortcuts that I have heard Chinese companies make to get their product to market at the lowest price.

Who might be China's number one customer (and I don't mean what country - we all know it is the US of A)? That might be WalMart. This company has done more to run small and medium sized manufacturing jobs out of this country than anyone else. This is after they single–handedly destroyed small town America.

Here's another news flash. WalMart's profits were not as high as expected in the last month. Why, you may ask? Because their customers don't have enough money, until payday, to buy their products.

So WalMart destroys good paying American jobs, then wonders why their new, lower-paid, customers can't afford to buy their products. If they had only looked at history, maybe Henry Ford and the $5 work day, they would see that if you don't pay people enough to buy your products, your sales may go down.

It is not just WalMart that is to blame. It seems that in the Bush era, what is good for the corporations is good for America. And low paying overseas jobs are great for corporate America's bottom line. At what point in our history did the well-being of one's employees become of so little consequence? When did America's companies become only international companies, with no thought to what may happen to the home market, which is the engine of the world economy.

I live in Michigan where this dilemma has hit the hardest. If you cut everyone's pay, sometimes by half (see Delphi Corporation), who is going to buy your products? Will we go back to the 19th century where the chasm between rich and poor was horrifyingly large? It wasn't until Henry Ford and his concept of paying workers a livable wage, so they could afford his product, that the large middle class in this country was created. Look at the rates of poverty in the late 19th century, across all age groups. Compare that to today's. The change is remarkable.

It is ironic that in the first decade of the 20th century Teddy Roosevelt went after large corporations and monopolies and in the first decade of the 21st century, George Bush is doing his best to reverse all that. And those corporations are crying that it is unfair to business to not let them hire illegal aliens at half the wages of the locals. It hurts their bottom line, they say. They can't compete.

It is hard to feel sorry for the people who are destroying the middle class of America (OMG - I'm Lou Dobbs). Now even our houses, which most Americans counted as their single most valuable asset, are losing value. And Wall Street just noticed this last week. Oh my... when will they pick up on the China connection???

Wilbur, the Broken Bunny

2007-07-21T09:56:00.000-04:00

The other night I was in my basement doing laundry, when I heard something crawling through a pile of face plates. I saw it emerging from the pile and kept hoping it was not a mouse. No, it turned out to be a baby bat. Wings spread wide, crawling along as best it could. I happened to have the dryer lint trap in my hand, so I put it on top of the bat and looked for something to carry it out in. I ended up finding a box and took the bat outside and put it in the backyard. I have no idea why its wings stayed wide open as it walked, but I have to assume it was able to signal its mother for help.

One hour later I let my dog out in the front yard, and decided to go out on the porch and keep an eye on her. I don't know why, I usually just let her out and wait for her to come back to the front door. I knew we had a rabbit warren in the middle of our front yard, so I made sure she did not get near that. A few minutes later I saw her dig her snout into the lawn and come up with some creature in her mouth. I screamed at her to drop it, and she did. I saw a small creature scamper away, but I could see that it was wounded.

It ran into the street, so I went to find something to pick it up with. Turns out it was a baby bunny, and something was wrong with its hind legs. I got it to crawl up on a piece of cardboard and I took it back to the warren in the middle of my lawn. I could tell it was exhausted from trying to get away as it just laid there and did not move. My hope was that the mother would come back and take care of it, as I made a point of not touching it with my hand. I know that sometimes a human touch can put off the mother.

The next morning the bunny was still lying there, so my other half picked it up and put it in a small box. We called our vet and asked what we should do. He said to bring it in and he would take a look. Turns out that the bunny's right leg had been recently broken and could not be set. The vet said that our dog had not done this just by picking it up for a few seconds. It had probably been pounced on by a cat or something. He told us it was a boy and that it would not be able to survive long in the wild with a broken leg. He recommended that we have him put to sleep.

Of course you know we could not do that. So we brought him home, bought him a cage and named him Wilbur. He doesn't really have any teeth yet, so we bought some baby food (mushed carrots, of course) and shredded some whole carrots as well. We also bring him dandelion leaves and tall grass to eat as well. The doctor had given us a hypodermic needle full of pain killer, and we were told to give him two drops by mouth every 12 hours.

During those first few days he would not eat much. Once the painkiller ran out, his appetite returned. He now eats like a swine and poops like a champ. He seems to be moving around a lot better, though he still drags his broken leg behind him. I know of several friends who are willing to take him, but we want to make sure his leg has healed enough so that he is not in any pain.

We take him out of his cage every day and try to get him some exercise. He seems to be getting used to us and is no longer frightened as we hold him near our hearts. He will even let us watch him eat, with his tiny little mouth.

I know we did the right thing. I just could not let nature take its course and let him die in the wild. I only hope that we can find him a rabbit's life that is worth living. Pampered, but in a caged world.

Making it Through

2007-06-09T16:53:00.000-04:00

Is life always a struggle? When you watch TV you think either everyone is a murderer, or living very happily somewhere. It does not seem to reflect the people I know, or have known. There are some good movies out there that try to show the mundane complexities of life, but they are mostly independent films.

I know it is called the entertainment industry for a reason, but I think people might want to see themselves reflected on screen occasionally. Even if it is only so they don't feel so alone, or so out of place. Not that my life story would make an interesting film, but I know that most people out there struggle to live, on many levels.

Half the people I know are on anti-depressants, and many people I know, especially here in Michigan, are struggling financially. I have lived here all my life, and I have never seen the middle class so challenged by the economy. Don't even get me started on the housing market. That has been a sure thing since the '50's, and now even that is tanking. And not just in Michigan. That was the one asset everyone had that would make money over the long term. When you retired, you could sell your house, buy a smaller place, and still live well. Those days are fast disappearing.

The Bushies will tell you that the economy is doing well, and it is, if you are a large corporation or already rich. If you are like most people, struggling to stay in the middle class, many of your jobs are being shipped overseas. Which, again, makes more money for the corporations, but leaves those of us still here struggling to find a decent wage job.

I hope that America wakes up in 2008 like they did in 2006 and sees that only the Democrats have the middle class at their core. Not to mention the poor and working class people too. This divided government thing does not seem to be working in Congress or in our state government. No one is willing to find a middle ground anymore. So, I say, let's give the Dem's total control for a while and see what they can do. It worked well in the last decade, they even worked well with a Republican controlled Congress.

Running Away

2007-05-14T18:44:00.000-04:00

Have any of you ever thought of just running away... from your life? I think it is something many of us feel from time to time, wanting to be free of all the problems and worries in our lives. Sometimes even wanting to flee from the people in our lives.

I have felt that of late, wanting a new beginning. Being able to start life over with all the lessons I have already learned would be the ticket. Avoiding all the serious blunders in our past, choosing the road not taken. You have to wonder though if anything we do can really change our fate. Are our lives not already pre-ordained for us?

I am a strong believer in fate. Both the good and the bad. Sometimes I think that our lives are already pre-set. The day of our death can not be changed or avoided, it will come when it is the right time. The choices we've made in life were all in the plan that fate (or God) had set for us. It certainly makes you feel powerless sometimes.

Then there are those who believe that we make our own destiny. The two schools of thought are not mutually exclusive. You may have been pre-ordained to be a person who takes life by the short hairs and runs with it. You may think you're in control, but it's your life's plan being played out, as scripted.

If you have a strong religious faith you may call it God's Plan. Others may call it fate. Calling it God's Plan does make it seem more palatable. To feel there is a guiding hand, someone or something that has your best interests at heart and will lead you to a happy ending. Fate does not necessarily have that happy ending component. I find great comfort in the God's Plan theory. Even though I am mostly an agnostic.

No matter how you slice it though, it seems pretty amazing, and frightening all at the same time. Every day a journey, whose script was written long ago.

But getting back to the running away theme (above), there is a song in Into the Woods called No More, where a father and son are discussing running away from their lives. The father sings to his son, "the trouble is son, the farther you run, the more you feel undefined". He concludes by singing, "where are we to go, where are we ever to go". The moral of this tale, and our own, is that you can't really run away from life, we are who we are and nothing can change that.

The First of May

2007-04-30T21:21:00.000-04:00

There is something about the first of May that has always spoken of promise to me. Even though Spring started back in late March, usually by May first you can see all the buds on the trees, all the early blooming flowers and bushes shining in brilliant color.

I often think back to the old Bee Gees song, The First of May too. It has a sweet sadness to it that reminds me of the promise of Spring. It speaks of the change of seasons, remembering a love that is gone, but will never die.

It's on the first of May that I most remember all the friends I have had in my lifetime. Not all are gone from this earth, just gone from my life. Friends from college and even high school who meant so much to me, but somehow we lost touch. I think this happens to a lot of people, it is just a natural part of the life cycle.

I do have a few friends that I have kept since college. They may now live in other states, but we still keep in touch. Still visit whenever we can. There is something about the shared history that we have with each of these friends that can really brighten a day. I think that is one of the many reasons why the AIDS crisis hit gays so hard. All those memories, shared experiences, they seem to disappear when you have no one to recall them with. That is why I try and hold on to my old friends, no matter what obstacles I may encounter.

Technology certainly helps with this. I can IM friends in Europe or Colorado and chat like we are in the same room. Share a laugh at an old friend's expense (usually mine), or just catch up on the news of the day.

It really seems to re-charge my batteries, and brings a little joy into a usually dull and tedious day.

So kids, here's your advice from Uncle Scotty. Hang on to your friends that are worth keeping for as long as you can. And don't be afraid to make new ones, no matter how old you get. I know making new friends seems to get harder the older you get. But, there are a lot of great people out there that you have yet to meet.

When Will It End?

2007-04-16T21:23:00.000-04:00

As our nation grieves over the loss of 33 innocent lives in Virginia, I weep at the horror and senselessness of it all. How can anyone, unless they are deranged, commit such an act of violence on innocent children who were just starting their adult lives?

I am sure, soon, this will become grist for the mill of politics, but now, at this moment, on this first night, let us set all that aside and try to find an answer to this plague of shootings, in offices, and classrooms, dormitories and shopping malls. How did we get to a place in our history where these things only shock us when the body count is high?

Can we blame it on the gun culture, that has been around since the founding of this republic? I don't really think so. Besides, everyone of these men/boys who commit these crimes finds a way around the law, just as most criminals do.

What is it that stirs within a man that can make him think that his and other lives are of so little consequence? Just targets on a video game, who bleed real blood. What problem do they think they are solving with these heinous crimes?

And what of the victims, most of all, who had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? All that promise, all that vitality of youth, crushed in a single moment. First, we must weep for them. Weep to the core of our beings, at what the youth of today must face in places once thought safe in generations past. Then we must rise up, and do all that we know how to make sure that this never happens again.

The Crusades

2007-04-16T11:09:00.000-04:00

Last night I watched the first part of the PBS series, America at a Crossroads. The series deals with how and why the Middle East has become such a large part of our lives. The first episode dealt with Osama and the birth of his extremist movement. The most alarming part was how we played into Osama's hands with our invasion of Iraq.

After our attack on the Taliban in Afghanistan, Osama and his gang were at their lowest point ever. We had world opinion on our side because of 9/11, and because of the world's disgust with what the Taliban had done to Afghanistan. Then, out of the blue, we invade Iraq.

Now the world had turned on us, Iraq is full of death and destruction, for our forces, and for the Iraqis. The Bush administration thinks that the only way out is through military intervention. They have no plan B. Anyone with half a brain can see that there has to be a political component to this, if we are ever to get our forces out of there, and if Iraq will ever become a stable democracy.

Nancy Pelosi has at least tried talking to the Syrians. Some Republicans from Congress went to Syria the week before, but they did not seem to get any media attention. I think both parties, outside of the White House, see that there must be another way out. Sending more and more of our children there to die is not the answer.

The most frightening thing about the show was the depth and breadth of the hatred the Islamists feel for Americans, and all of Western Culture. They still call us the Crusaders, and plan our downfall by bankrupting our economies through constant war in Muslim countries. So far their plan is working. We can only hope that when someone smarter gets in the White House, that we will find a way out without turning the Middle East into a powder keg.

The real answer is, of course, to find alternate sources of energy and to leave the Middle East to its own devices. Right now, everything that happens there affects the price of fuel, and soon natural gas. We need to stop our reliance on this area, and Bush is right about that. The government needs to make a more concerted effort to find sources of renewable energy.

So, the Crusades may not really be over, even though a thousand years have passed. Let us hope it does not take another thousand years to solve this dilemma.

To Live Until We Say Good-bye

2007-03-29T16:39:00.000-04:00

I have lost yet another loved one to cancer. Someone so kind and gentle, I just can't figure out why God would have put her through such pain and suffering. The Lord works in mysterious ways indeed.

At times like this many people turn to religion for guidance, consolation and hope. Just as many seem to turn away from religion, asking the question, what kind of God would let this happen? I am often torn between these two opposing views.

First and foremost I need to turn to something or someone for solace. There is a certain comfort in the traditions of the church, the solidity projected by most faiths. Having the good Reverend spout the usual platitudes can sometimes reach through the numbness and pain you feel over the loss of someone so dear.

But there is also an element of anger at work here. How and why would any God let this happen? What possible purpose could it serve? Is there even a God up there watching over us with some kind of plan for each and every one of our lives???

Which brings us to the biggest debate of all, that between faith and reason.

Having been brought up in parochial schools, saturated with Lutheran dogma since the age of 3, I have a very hard time separating out what I may feel in my heart and soul, and what the reasoning part of my brain is trying to tell me. Many people, as they age, find that doubt enters into the picture and lingers for many years. I keep praying that all my doubts will end, that the certainty that I felt in my youth will return and I will see death as just part of the greater good. That the soul of my loved one is in a better place, and this temporary stop we call life on earth, is over.

You wonder sometimes who is better off. Those shallow people who just simply believe and do not even bring reason into the picture, or those of us torn apart by a questioning mind. They seem to be much happier than we are, but are they better off? Sometimes I even wish that I did not always have to think quite so much. What and where exactly has it gotten me?

As I say goodbye to my loved one tomorrow I will try to think only that she is in a better place, with the angels, with her loved ones who have also passed, and that they are sitting on a cloud somewhere looking down at all the suffering here on earth and rejoicing in their good fortune, to have finally made it to the promised land. Sometimes when the pain becomes more than we can bear, that may be the only solace we have.

Living Through the Blues

2007-03-15T12:28:00.000-04:00

Sorry I have not posted lately. I have been down even further than usual. Can't explain it, life is as good/bad as it ever was. Went to the doc yesterday, and got some new meds. I can only hope that they will help me out of this hole I am in. I just don't seem to want to face the world.

Switching from my small world to the world of American politics, it has been quite an interesting month. Can the Bush folks do anything that isn't inept or purely politically motivated? And it seems that the Democratic controlled Congress has brought out the mea culpa side of the White House. Who would have thought that you would ever hear the WH saying that mistakes were made, in any way, shape or form. Now it just keeps happening.

Good news about the Federal Attorney scandal. Congress may be able to subpoena Karl Rove, to see how he was involved. How is it that one of his pals just happened to replace one of the fired attorneys? And there are even emails where the whole issue is discussed fairly openly. How ever did that happen? Can this be a new, more open White House, or one that is falling apart?

Switching to General PP, saying that gays are immoral. I do not want or expect that he should retract his statement. They are his own personal feelings, and he is entitled to them. I was glad to hear that he realized that he probably should not have expressed his opinions so publicly. Sure has opened up an interesting national conversation, with even some Republicans criticizing his opinion, and stating they disagree with him. Although Hillary was less than forthright at first when asked her opinion. She later came round in writing and said that she totally disagreed with Gen Pace. And the world just keeps getting more open to the gay discussion.

I hope all of you are doing better than I am. I long for the day when I want to be out among you all enjoying life to the fullest. Until then, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks guys.

Post Holiday Blues

2007-01-14T16:48:00.000-05:00

Well, here we are in the middle of the MLK holiday weekend, and I am feeling blue. Maybe it's global warming, maybe it's the war in Iraq, maybe it's that boob in the White House? I don't know, it could be so many things.

I did spend a nice day at the Detroit Institute of Arts yesterday. Today I was supposed to meet some friends for brunch, but a minor ice storm is keeping me at home. Yesterday I also lost my cell phone in a crowded Greektown restaurant. What a mess that was, the Auto Show was in town on top of having a Red Wings game in progress, it was a zoo.

As a matter of fact I was supposed to head back down to Greektown today to pick up my lost phone, but, see above. More ice and sleet are predicted for tomorrow. I hope I can make it down there soon. Maybe my other half will drive me, he doesn't seem to mind ice and snow.

I think I just may have a touch of the winter blues. Feeling trapped by weather does not help. This is the first real winter weather we have had in a while, thanks to global warming and maybe El Nino. The Dems want to start doing something about it, but the Bush team still has its doubts about the whole greenhouse gases may add to global warming thing. I think they did finally admit that global warming existed. Just a decade or two too late.

Mr. Bush made his big announcement on the war this week. He has so few options now, and of course he chose the deadliest one. And the one that is least likely to succeed. I know that he is starting to worry about his legacy now, hoping against hope that history will see him as some kind of hero who fought against the prevailing tides of his time. On the other hand, he could be thought of as one of the most incompetent Presidents since the 19th century.

Bush's eulogy of Gerald Ford seemed to speak more of himself than of Ford. Someone who made the tough decisions in order to heal a nation. When I think of all the money, resources and lives that we have wasted in Iraq, and of all the good they could be doing here, I just want to spit. And now he has decided that the National Guard will have open-ended active duty. Those poor people signed up to be weekend warriors, and now they may be in never-ending combat missions. It is all so unfair, not to mention ironic considering Mr. Bush's own NG duty (or lack thereof).

Well folks, I am going to try and head out on the road before the next ice storm hits the area. Wish me luck.

Holiday Cheer

2006-12-29T15:32:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm writing to you from my new laptop (thanks Santa), not that I had an old laptop. This is my first one actually. I never thought I could use one, but now I don't leave home without it. I have even ordered a battery charger for the car. You never know when you might have a web casting or blogging emergency, and I wouldn't want to be caught short handed.

I hope all of you are enjoying the holidays. Mine have been hit and miss. Tonight I am going to a party at some lesbian friends' house. They just remodeled and doubled the size of their home. You know those lesbians love to remodel. But these are Lowe's lesbians, not the garden-variety Home Depot ones. Just a cut above.

I am off work until next Wednesday, January 3rd. 11 whole days in a row. It is about the most time I take off all at once each year. Now that I will be retiring in just over 2 years, I will be taking a little more time off. There is a cap on the amount of leave I can accrue, so I don't want to waste it. Maybe another trip to Saugatuck or Chicago this summer? Always fun.

So, how about this political landscape of ours? Bush is conferring on a new strategy in Iraq. The Dems may be taking over both houses (get well soon Senator Johnson). I just hope the Dems don't go for the jugular right away. They have to prove that they are about the business of governance, not revenge. That is what the Repub's were all about, vengeance. Hopefully we can put the needs of the country first, for a change.

I have been wondering a lot lately why I am still here. Had news of another loved one/family member being stricken with terminal cancer. So far I have lost two former sisters-in -law and a few close friends to the clutches of cancer. Every day I pray that each new pain I have is not some subtle symptom of cancer. I have enough fear and trepidation to deal with on a daily basis already.

So why, we may ask, does God allow all this to keep happening? Why does disease strike those we love the most, those who are sweet and kind to everyone on a daily basis? We can go with the "the Lord works in mysterious ways" explanation. That works pretty well. Or how about the, "death is very much a part of life" route. Either one is cold comfort to someone who is in pain. To see the kind of suffering this disease can bring is to know how truly powerless we all are in the vast scheme of things. This body we occupy is a very complex machine that can be laid low in so many ways.

So, what of the power of prayer? It has not worked for me in the past, yet I still continue to use it. I can't think of many other weapon right now. Love, hope and prayer, these are the three biggies that will help us all through this. All having equal power.

I would like to wish you all a better year in 2007. I know we always think it can't be worse, but we all know it often is. So in spite of my dire predictions, let's try and live each moment as if it were our last. Try to savor the family and friends we still have with us. They are the true gifts of this holiday season.

We Are All God's Children

2006-11-16T17:14:00.000-05:00

I watched a Frontline special the other night on PBS. It was about Jim West, the former mayor of Spokane, Washington. I remember hearing about his dilemma at the time, on TV and the internet. I remember wondering why he just did not quit, like so many other disgraced Republicans had.

After hearing the whole story, I see why he fought so hard to keep his job. I ended up feeling sorry for this man who never really had a chance at a true and happy life.

Here was a man born into a conservative part of his state, who became a Boy Scout leader, then a sheriff's deputy, then a state legislator, then mayor of Spokane. All the while just doing what was expected of him. Going along in the state house when his fellow Republicans proposed anti-gay bills, but never leading the charge.

Shortly after becoming mayor, he discovered that he had colon cancer. This triggered a deep self-examination, as such traumatic events often do. Realizing that he had suppressed his sexuality for his entire life, he began logging into gay chat rooms, with the hope that he may actually meet someone.

Somehow, one of the guys he regularly chatted with realized that he was the mayor of Spokane. Being a good liberal he immediately went to the local paper with the story. They, in turn, set up a sting operation, posing as a seventeen year old boy. They tried baiting him into meeting up with their decoy, but he didn't take the bait. It was not until he was certain that the boy had turned 18, that he agreed to a meeting.

While all this is going on, he does offer a few of the guys he met online unpaid internships at city hall. I think he is so socially underdeveloped, that he is like a high-school boy trying to get people to like him. Even though he is in his fifties, he has never really had any experience with gay relationships. Coming out that late in life, he was like a long-distance runner shackled by years of suppressed emotions.

By the end of the show, he is recalled as mayor, then exonerated by the FBI of any wrongdoing in public office, and then he dies of colon cancer in July of 2006.

People called him a hypocrite, a child molester, a disgrace to his office. He does not come off as an especially likeable or attractive man, but nonetheless all too human. Another man destroyed by society's expectations. If only he had been allowed to live a free and open life as gay man, he may have found the joy that loving another human being can bring.

To think he only had one or two gay sexual encounters during his entire life. Those in the back seat of a car in a dark alley. Here lies a man who never got a chance to really live his life, something so many of us take for granted. God rest his soul.

The Comfort of Faith

2006-11-11T20:52:00.000-05:00

I remember well the comfort that faith brought me in my youth. The certainty that the world was a black and white place gave me solace through many years of struggle. It wasn't until I started college that I began to doubt anything that I was taught by the Lutheran church.

The remarkable thing was that it was my college girlfriend who made me start thinking about just how much religious dogma flew in the face of logic and reason. See, the dangers of the heterosexual lifestyle? Yes, I had a girlfriend in college, I think most gay guys did, in the early 70's.

Sometimes when I see all that is going on in the world, I think back to those days when I found so much comfort in my religion. God had an answer for everything, no matter how illogical, all you had to do was believe. That was not too much to ask, for all the happiness it brought me.

Now I see people dying in horrible, senseless ways, and I suffer with them. I ask God, and myself, why did this happen. Where is the joy of Christ's love and understanding when two men go into a party store and beat a 73 year old man to death for chump change. My heart just aches with the horror of it all. I want to live in the well-ordered world that was promised me in my youth. Through 12 years of parochial school education I knew what the world was all about. How good would always triumph over evil, how the light of God would always shine through.

Now I am in my fifties struggling to understand the meaning of life and the reasons why we all must die some day. Things could be worse, I could be Ted Haggard and know the world is a very gray place, but have to live my life as though it wasn't. Who knew that when he became an evangelical minister he had to take the hypocritical oath, telling his flock to do as I say, not as I do (shades of Jimmy Swaggert).

Getting back to my point, about faith. God gave us free will, which brought along a whole list of benefits and things that are not so beneficial. If God had just left us as we were in the Garden of Eden, we would be doing okay. Everything would just be peachy keen. I am sure God had a very good reason for giving us this free will thing. I just haven't figured out yet what it is. If you have any ideas, please let me know.

A Sea Change

2006-11-11T15:36:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks as though America has finally woken up. Even I was surprised, on Thursday, when the Dems actually took control of the Senate too. Here in Michigan the Dems took control of the House and barely lost the Senate. No one saw that coming either.

What does it all mean? That's what I would like to know. It seems like in the Senate races all the Dems had to lean right to get elected. What will that mean in a senate whose margins are so tight? Any kind of help for gays is surely not on the table, or for abortion rights. We will probably see a minimum wage bill passed, though.

How about that vote in Arizona??? I guess we are getting to the stage in our development as a country that not every state will vote against gay marriage, in huge margins. Outside the south it seems that the margin of victory for the right-wing is getting smaller. The south will always be a unique country unto itself. If the mountain states turn blue, then maybe the Dems have a chance for a permanent majority in Congress.

In the city of Ferndale, Michigan, voters passed a law giving gays equal rights in housing, employment, etc. And by a very wide margin. This after the city had voted down the same law twice before, also by wide margins, in 1997 and 2000. Maybe people really can change.

All the pundits are saying that the gay marriage issue is starting to soften with the electorate, so that maybe in 10 years or so we can vote out all these constitutional amendments that were voted in in so many states. A recent national poll showed that nearly 70% of Americans knew someone who was openly gay. I am sure that that has made us less of a frightening specter to the great unwashed. Unless, of course, the gay they know is Carson from Queer Eye.

Now my prayers are going out to Rev. Haggard in Colorado. He must become an ex-gay with the whole world, and his flock, watching. It still saddens me to think that in this day and age a man must live a lie to be accepted and esteemed in the evangelical world.

I have been smiling for several days now, just thinking how the impossible actually happened. The Dems won control of Congress. Oo-wee...

The October Surprise

2006-10-03T21:57:00.000-04:00

I guess Karl Rove did not see this one coming. The House leadership shown for what it really is, a bunch of politicians with no moral compass. And they got into trouble by covering up for a gay guy, how ironic.

This Mark Foley thing has me perplexed. I know what he did was wrong (the emails), but I think mostly because he abused his position of power. In most states in the US the age of consent is 16 (or less). Flirting online seems unethical and very distasteful, in this instance. But you have to wonder - if Mr. Foley were allowed to live openly as a gay man, would he have been in a better place, mentally, and therefore not likely to reach out to these inappropriate contacts?

I know it is hard to see him as the victim in all this, and he is not, but he was forced to live a life filled with lies and deception, and at age 52. Now he is saying he was molested by a priest when he was twelve, which sounds rather off the subject. He wasn't molesting children, he was making inappropriate advances to male pages. He is such a mess mostly because he chose to live a lie, and for purely political reasons.

I think honesty and truth can be very healing, if sometimes painful to deal with. Maybe now that his dirty laundry is out there for the whole country to see and hear about (over and over again on cable news), perhaps he will take stock of his life up to this point and head in a different direction. One that leads him into a healthy relationship with another man, maybe even one around his own age.

It will be interesting to see how the Republicans try and spin this one. Looking out for number one, not caring about the children, a very big oopsy on their part. I am sure they will end up blaming it on the gay movement, they must have made Tom Foley do this, somehow. I am sure Rush Limbaugh and the other deadheads are working on this as we speak.

The good thing is that, so far, no actual physical contact took place between Rep Foley and these boys. Now if we can only say that the Republican party was brought down by a gay man, that would be just too much to ask for. Maybe that will be our November surprise?

Family

2006-09-23T21:52:00.000-04:00

I don't know if everyone has TV shows that seem a part of their lives, but I do. In the seventies there were two shows that I could not live without, Family and Maude. To this day they both still push my buttons and make me feel at home, all at the same time.

Family was finally released on DVD this month (see above link), something I have been waiting for for many years. Maude may be out later in the year, but they have promised that before. I won't hold my breath.

When I ordered the DVD, after not having watched the series since it originally aired from 1976-80, I wondered if it would stand the test of time. Often times shows that I loved back then seem insipid and empty now. Not so with my beloved "Family". It moved and entertained me as much now as it did then. I had not seen any of the first mini-season before (six episodes), so I was delighted to see that even the early shows were well written.

That sense of home that I felt then still comes through today. These are people you want to know, folks you want to spend time with. Not just because my own family was rather dull, but because the world they all lived in is so full of love. There is never any doubt, even during the biggest argument, that they will all be there for each other, no matter what.

Maybe it was this certainty that drew me to the show? But that can't be all. So many TV shows had that. I guess none of them gave such a realistic portrayal of a family. They dealt with so many issues that were never brought up on television back then. The pilot episode alone dealt with marital infidelity, not just in Nancy's young marriage, but in the marriage of the couple who are at the center of the series, Kate and Doug.

When they dealt with the homosexuality of Will's best friend since childhood, in the first season, that was quite a shocker. Gays were rarely mentioned on TV back then, unless it was in a negative light. I remember how good I felt when I saw that Buddy and Kate accepted Will's friend Zeke, no questions asked. I was doubly pleased when Willie finally came around at the end of the episode.

It won many awards back then. It was a rare find in the middle of the pablum and drivel that was 1970's television. In between Charlie's Angels and Three's Company, this was an island of sanity and good television.

I am on disk five of six right now, and I can't pull myself away. If you have a chance to buy or rent it, I would highly recommend it. You will not be disappointed.

The Mid-term Elections

2006-09-21T17:55:00.000-04:00

Do you think that it is only a coincidence that gas prices have dropped almost a dollar a gallon in the past few weeks? As soon as the primary election season ended, it all seemed to start happening.

It kind of makes you wonder just how much influence the energy companies have over the market. Natural gas prices are also down. We saw how the Enron folks manipulated things to get energy costs up out west, who's to say the big oil companies are not doing this for their old pals, Bush and Cheney.

Guess what else? Bush's approval rating started going up right after gas prices dropped. Hmmm??? Could energy prices be affecting how we feel about our well-being, and that when prices are back to normal we may feel better about the future? Which in turn makes us less angry at the boob-in-chief?

Maybe I am just being paranoid, but none of the market forces have changed that much in the last month. We still have unrest in the middle-east, corruption in Nigeria and a government in Venezuela that hates us. Still have half a downed pipeline in Alaska and limited refining capacity (none of the new refineries being built will be ready for a while).

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the Saudi royal family and the Bushes are old pals too. There is just way too much coincidence here.

I hope the American people aren't going to be duped into putting the Republicans back in office. This country definitely needs a change in governance, and only one party can lead us out of this mess. The same one that got us through two world wars and the great depression, and brought us the booming 90's. Go Dems!

Life Less Ordinary

2006-09-04T12:54:00.000-04:00

Hearing the news today about the Crocodile Hunter being killed by a sting-ray just shocked the heck out of me. He was just swimming over it, it was buried in the sand, and whoosh - it stings him through the heart. Life is so fragile.

News like this makes me appreciate, even more, every moment I have. Nothing but a split second separates most of us from the other side (if there is one). Still, for some reason, I am not able to rejoice in every moment lived.

If I could only be sure, one way or the other, if there is something or nothing after we die, I could live my life the correct way. If there is nothing, I would find peace in knowing that all my sins do not need to be forgiven. That the spark of life that I held was just sent out into the universe. If there is heaven and hell, I would end up begging for forgiveness, every day.

If you look back at the history of the major religions we have on the planet today, it is hard to fathom that they could all be right and divinely inspired. And by divine, do we mean a creature from another part of the universe, an ET as it were? Sometimes my logical mind just takes over and I cannot get past all my doubts.

What if I lived and died in Greece in 200 BC? Would I be frying in hell because I had not heard the gospel of Jesus Christ (who wasn't even here yet)? That does not seem fair, now does it?

I truly believe that if you live your life with regard for others and with kindness in your heart (and in your deeds), that you will be blessed (if there is a hereafter). Whether you consider it as reflecting God's love, or just being a good person, it should surely be rewarded.

The Weekly Reader

2006-08-18T18:00:00.000-04:00

I have been reading several interesting books over the last few months. Will I ever finish all of them, I'm sure I will some day. Let's look at the list, shall we.

The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln by C.A. Tripp, is a remarkable book. Here we have a well-respected scientist and author doing exhaustive research and finishing the book just weeks before he dies at 83. The other remarkable thing about the book is that it was almost well-received by Lincoln scholars. The basic premise is that Lincoln was at his heart a homosexual. He lived the life expected of men of his time, but he also had love interests and affairs. This might explain the depth of his depression, even beyond all the sorrow he suffered during his life. To think that what you were was beyond the pale, and not having anywhere in literature or history to turn to to see yourself reflected, except perhaps in ancient times.

Mere Christianity is a book comprised of radio broadcasts made by C.S. Lewis during World War II. I have not gotten very far into it, but I am looking forward to his reasoned arguments for Christianity, and to seeing someone who went from being an agnostic to being an ardent Christian.

A Heckuva Job by Calvin Trillin is the latest in a series of poetry books based on the politics of GW Bush, our prez. Trillin skewers Bush on so many levels that it is almost sad. I know the TV pundits use Bush for fodder on a regular basis, and I guess it has gotten to the point where the fact that Bush is a dolt is a given. We will see this fall whether Americans really believe this deep in their hearts.

The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong chronicles the author's life from being a novitiate in a convent, to losing her religion, to finding it again. She is a remarkable woman and I never miss an opportunity to hear her speak on television. Lately her focus has been on explaining the world's three great religions, attempting to help us see how much we all have in common.

Finally there is Grief by Andrew Holleran. This is a novel about a man who has moved to DC after tending to his dying mother for many years. While he is there he is also reading the letters of Mary Todd Lincoln. She spent the last part of her life grieving, unable to find joy in anything. The protagonist in this novel is also having difficulty letting go of the grief he carries for his mother, and for all the friends he has lost to the great gay plague.

I have a mini-vacation coming up and I am hoping to finish all these books while I am off. I also have to finish book five of Harry Potter and the novel Wicked. I can't wait.

War Without End

2006-08-01T20:47:00.000-04:00

It seems as though the middle-east has been in turmoil my entire life (actually it has). I often wonder if peace can ever be achieved there. I hope and pray that it can.

Just when we thought Iraq was a total mess, then we have to look to the rest of the region to see what a monumental mess the whole place is. And how much worse it can get.

How and when will it all end? This seems to be turning into a clash of cultures, much like the Crusades. But that was almost a thousand years ago, still we seem to fight on.

I used to think we could just send our troops in there, like the first Gulf War, but now I realize that won't do much good. Now I don't really know whose job it is to straighten that place out. Maybe let the Arab states figure it out, so that whole clash of cultures thing dies down.

We think we have all evolved, after all the wars we have seen throughout history. The war to end all wars, that was almost 100 years ago. Still mankind fights on. We fight over nationalism, religion, and other useless concepts. If people would only realize that we are all part of God's family, we are all together on this road of life, struggling to make it through. We need each other more than we know.

All we are saying...

Living With Sadness

2006-07-08T12:32:00.000-04:00

I often wonder if we ever really get over the loss of a loved one. The pain can seem so intense, even years after someone we love has gone. Then we naturally begin to think about our own end, and the sadness deepens.

Maybe this comes with age, with the long view from the other side of the hill (the one I just went over). Life just seems more precious and sad when you realize this is just a short-term thing.

I don't know why the pain of loss endures. I keep wanting to sing "Don't leave me this way...", but no one is listening. I don't feel the presence of those who are gone, as some do. I want to believe they are still with us, but I think it has more to do with the impression they have left upon us. There is a line from a song in Wicked, where one friend who is leaving sings to another, "you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart..." (see link above). That seems to say it all for me.

What to do with the remaining years as we wait for our time to depart? Dwelling on the past does not seem to be working for me. After all, you can't change the past and you certainly can't go back there. I guess all we can do is hope for a brighter tomorrow, and a chance to enjoy some of the good things that life has to offer.

The laugh of a child discovering something for the first time. The smile on the face of someone in love. Even the sound of the wind rustling through the trees. Joy can be found in the beauty of all God's creations, if we just look for it. Joy can be found in the presence of all those we love as well. Even the ones who are no longer with us.

I Want America Back

2006-06-21T20:36:00.000-04:00

Today I was listening to President Bush speak in Vienna (see above link). Sounding like an idiot cowboy who was trying to explain things to all the other cowboys, he was a total embarrassment. Then I listened as the commentators on NPR went on about how much we are hated in Europe and around the world.

America is losing any moral high ground it ever had. We lost it in Vietnam, but gained a lot of it back during the Clinton years. Now we have prison camps in Cuba, people being held for years without access to a court or even a lawyer. Torture is our tool of choice, but even that we like to outsource. I know I will not be traveling to Europe until the Bush years are over. Talk about the ugly American.

When did we become a country that throws out the rule of law any time we are threatened. I know we had some of that during the Civil War, and the two world wars, but that was during an extreme emergency. While the threat of terrorism is very real, it pales in comparison to any of the three conflicts I just mentioned.

If the Republicans hold Congress this Fall, we will have to ask ourselves "who are we?" How can we accept what this party is doing to us and still call ourselves Americans? The Party of God seems to have no moral compass except the will to power.

Living in a Republican Town

2006-05-14T17:18:00.000-04:00

I just got a new camera on Friday (a Kodak Z650), and was eager to go out and about taking some pictures. It has been raining heavily for the past few days, so I haven't been able to go anywhere. Today it was sprinkling a little, so I ventured out.

The first place I thought I would visit was my city's veterans' memorial. I drive by it many times, it is just two miles south of my house. I got out of my car and walked the brick-paved path to the obelisk that I thought would list the names of those people from Rochester Hills who have given their lives for their country. Instead I find an original poem written in 1997 when the memorial was built. No "In Flanders Fields" for these folks.

Then I walk next to a very large rock with a marble plaque attached to the top of it. Here I think I will find the names of those brave souls. No, on this beautiful plaque were listed the names of the people who paid for this wonderful memorial. Who was on the flagpole committee, what company donated the asphalt parking lot, etc. Things that generations to come will want to know about. "Gee mommy, did you know that the Acme Flagpole Company paid for those flagpoles way back in the late 20th century?"

So, I kept looking for the names of those lost. I finally looked down at my feet and noticed that some of the brick pavers had writing on them. I thought, how odd they would put their names here. After closer examination I saw that there were some veterans names there, but there were also family names, wives names, etc. If you paid for a paver, you could make it out to anyone you wanted to memorialize.

I walked further, and came upon a small memorial garden. Bending down to read the plaque, I was no longer surprised to see it spoke of those who bought and maintained the garden. How lovely of them.

This, to me, speaks volumes about the difference between a Republican dominated town and all others. It's all about the money, and who paid for what, and what money will buy.

I never did find the names of those who died in each of our many wars. No, this town's heroes are the ones who formed a committee to erect a memorial to veterans, and most especially, to themselves.

This I Believe

2006-04-30T21:44:00.000-04:00

How does one put into words all that you believe? How do you even know all that you truly believe? I guess I really don't know, but I know this...

Love is the one thing that really matters in life. It really can conquer all, it really can make life worth living. I'm not just talking about being in love (which is great), I also mean love for other human beings and for all of God's creatures. Love is followed my the milk of human kindness and compassion on my list. These make up the triumvirate of what I believe.

Have you ever been in the depths of despair, where nothing you enjoy brings you any pleasure? Where fear is all around you, coloring your every emotion and interaction?I have experienced this most profoundly while waiting for word on a very sick loved one who was in the hospital. We had no way of knowing if he would live or die. During times like that, even the smallest kindness takes on profound importance. This is when life is cut down to its barest essentials, where all the bull-pucky that makes up our everyday lives just falls away. That's when you see what the most important things in life really are.

This is when you realize that every act of kindness on your part can have a profound effect on those around you. So next time you see someone who needs something, something you can easily provide, don't even hesitate. Plus you will have the added benefit of feeling better about yourself after you do it. It looks like a win-win situation to me. Beats the hell out of turning a blind eye to someone in need.

Too preachy? I know. But I still love you all anyway.

So love me back, it's not so hard to do.

Spring is Here!

2006-04-14T21:29:00.000-04:00

Well it looks like Spring is finally here to stay in Michigan. The trees are budding, the tulips and daffodils are in full bloom, and the smell of dog poo is in the air. Ah, Spring. Time to get out my super-duper pooper-scooper and clean up the yard. Luckily, tomorrow looks to be a bright, sunny Spring day.

Spring and Fall have always been my favorite times of the year. Fall colors, the smell of burning leaves, the holidays just around the corner. I love the moderate temperatures most of all. Not that they are all the moderate anymore. Thanks to Bush 1 & 2, the US does not believe that global warming even exists. So, of course, we are not doing anything about it, because it doesn't exist. See how that works? It's called Republican logic. It exists on its own little plane, separate from real logic.

I was thinking the other day, where will I be able to go to feel safe. Still can't think of where a person could run and hide and not be affected by this weather. North, south, east, west, all have their own unique climate challenges. Maybe they will open a hotel on the moon soon, we could all go there and hang out. That way we can see how this all comes out, from a distance.

Then there is Bush's foreign policy. If Iraq wasn't bad enough, now he wants to keep the nuclear option on the table when dealing with Iran. Or as Mr. Bush would say, the nu-cu-lar option. How did we end up with this moron in the White House? It has to do with the polarization of the electorate. The right-wing base will never not support him, no matter what he does. As long as he is with them on the social issues, he will always get that hard-core base to vote for him. It doesn't matter how many former aides, or generals, or CIA agents tell us what an idiot he is on foreign policy, he's got that base. Scary.

Not to mention his arrogance. Actually, the arrogance of his whole administration. Between Rumsfeld and Gonzales, the smug alerts must be going off all the time in the White House. When will Bush realize that he is only a president, not a king?

You may have noticed that I have added some local GLBT news to my site. Between the Lines newspaper is one of our best sources for local gay news in metro Detroit. Check it out.

These are the times...

2006-03-26T17:21:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. Life has been on a downward spiral for me for a while. Looks like the world is in the same spiral.

How do we find hope in times like this, times that are not what any of us want or hope for? I am losing my perspective as I age. I wonder where the world I understood has gone. It's not just the news, it's even in the programs we see on TV. So much violence, so much crudeness, so little respect for ourselves and for others.

How do we avoid the fear that the future may not be even as bright as today? Mr. Bush and his fact-denying team don't help. His father wouldn't admit global warming existed, now the current regime is in the same mind-set. Maybe they figure only Democrats live on the coasts, so they can all float away without affecting the Republican base? What a bunch. God, they gotta go.

So what can we do? Well, we can get up every morning, and hope it will be a better day than the day before. Ah, the promise of tomorrow. Never stop believing.

Humankind

2006-02-26T18:20:00.000-05:00

Will mankind ever really change? We like to think we live in an enlightened age. We understand so much more now, about so many things. Yet, you look at the news around the world and you see hatred and strife, violence everywhere. Since 9/11 we see even more terror, manifesting itself in ever-changing ways.

But don't you think that everyone always thought they lived in an enlightened age? Having the hindsight of history as their guide, mankind has always looked back to see people much less enlightened (and intelligent). Ah, the arrogance of the present. I am sure we will all look quite barbaric to future generations.

Growing up in the sixties and seventies we thought that the great evil of our age (and all time) had been vanquished, and we just had to wait for the world to become even better. Vietnam was only a small distraction, compared to the two world wars. Hitler and the horrors of the holocaust were the worst of the worst that man had ever seen. The Nuremberg trials showed us that the world had vanquished evil and that we survived. Boy were we wrong.

I know we all just want to feel safe. I used to think if I retired to Europe and I bought a home in the country, that I could leave this messy world behind. Now I can't think of anywhere in the world where I might stay and just watch the world go by (while living in relative safety). Bird flu, terrorism, Republicans, all ever-threatening and striking fear in the hearts of right-minded people.

Maybe I can found the land of Homoslavia, where non-violent (and oh-so-tasteful) people could go and live in peace and harmony??? Where your biggest worry would be what to wear, or what to make for dinner. I am sure it would be a very neat and tidy place.

If people living a thousand years from now look back on us, what will they see? The dark ages, an age of change, an age of enlightenment, boring times? It is so hard to get any kind of perspective while living in an age of uncertainty.

Not Politics as Usual

2006-02-23T17:15:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like some of the Republican leaders in Congress are waking up to the fact that maybe, just maybe, Mr. Bush is missing a few marbles when it comes to our homeland security.

It is one thing to have our ports run by an Arab-owned company, it is quite another to have them run by a company owned by an Arab (or any other foreign) government. Ally or not, I don't think we would want a company owned by the British government running our ports either. The fact that the Bush team sees no problem speaks volumes. This from the same team that brought us hurricane disaster relief.

I still can't get past the fact that the press barely mentioned it when Bush consulted with the Saudi government before the invasion of Iraq. Even before he consulted with his own Secretary of State. Talk about family ties. It was mentioned by a few media outlets, but it should have been a major story.

Then there is the Dick Cheney story. At least the press got that one right. I know the Daily Show had a field day with this one, as did many other late-night comedy shows. It was just too good to pass up.

When the guy Cheney shot apologized to the VP, I about had a cow. What kind of world are they living in anyway? It has gotten to the point where I don't even try to understand it anymore. I just know that if a Democrat gets in the White House in 2008, there had better be a lot of indictments for members of this power hungry administration. It is like they know no bounds. We will do whatever we want, it really doesn't matter what any law says. We're at war, doncha know.

On a personal note, I am still lovin' my new PC. I still can't seem to part with my old one though. I know I need to sell it, because I already have two. I know I need the money, but it has so many memories (and files) I can't seem to let go of. Sniffle.

New Toys

2006-02-08T18:47:00.000-05:00

Well, Scotty got a new toy last week. A brand new HP desktop computer. You would think that would bring joy to the land, but noooo. I can't get half the things to transfer over from my old PC, even with an external hard drive. I lost my videos on iTunes and I can't find my bookmarks for Firefox. I am not a happy camper.

I see the President signed the budget bill for the rest of this year. Isn't that nice that he cut Medicaid, Medicare and student loans, while still managing to give tax breaks to the rich? Now if your parents need to go into a nursing home, Medicaid will be even harder to get. Sometimes I just want to bitch-slap the press and ask them why they are not making this a big news item. Today they are still fixated on cartoon violence (it ain't what it used to be).

As I hear more and more about these cartoons and the way the violence is being spread, I have to respect the Danish government for their standing up to the Islamists. I also respect the editor of that paper that first published the cartoon for what he said about freedom of the press. If these Islamists don't like the way Western countries work, then they should head back to the peace and quiet of their own countries. Europe was not designed as a melting pot, like America, and there is no reason those countries should not restrict their immigration. They have native peoples there who still run the country and if these Islamists have brought an atmosphere of fear and intimidation to those lands then they should be booted out, pronto.

The Christianists here wish they had the power to incite riots every time someone says or does something they don't like. With Bush and the Republican guard, they are half way home. Fear can spread so quickly, just look was happened with Janet Jackson's wardrobe incident. Suddenly everyone was afraid to say or do anything the least bit adult on TV (not cable).

Interesting news today about some Evangelical leaders signing a document that states that humans have caused global warming and that humans should work to solve the problem. They state that we are destroying God's creation (Earth) and should reverse course so as to save the planet. Of course, James Dobson and the other hard-liners refused to sign, saying that no one really knows what causes global warming (if it exists at all). Sounds like both sad and happy news. So maybe all American Evangelicals aren't idiots after all.

Is Age Just a Number?

2006-01-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

Getting at this ageism thing... I think there is one thing that folks under 40 have to realize. Once you get into middle-age and beyond, you start to see that there is an end to this thing. That all the profound thoughts and idealism of youth really don't matter after a certain point. I am not saying that people grow more cold-hearted as they age (although that might explain Republicans). I am saying that you see the end of your life, you see friends dying in their fifties (and not from AIDS) and you realize that life is short, and you only have so much time to make your life feel well lived.

The one thing I think I treasure more and more as I age is a kind-hearted soul. Every time I meet someone whose kindness and generosity shine through I feel humbled by it and lucky to know them. Give me the Gandhi's and the Martin Luther King's (who were not known for their beauty) of the world any time. That is the true measure of a person.

I don't think gays are really any more ageist than anyone else. Money, power and beauty are the three things that have always mattered most to people. Any combination will get you ahead in the world. If you have all three, then you have hit the jackpot. It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight, substance only matters to a few of us.

Better Living Through Television

2006-01-14T17:16:00.000-05:00

TV has suddenly become more interesting lately. First let's start with that scourge of the right-wing, The Book of Daniel. I have watched the first two episodes and I was very impressed by the whole thing. Great writing, acting, music. Throw in a little Jesus and you'd think the born-agains would be happy. But noooo.... You've got the gay people, the druggies, adultery, teenage sex, this is just too much. No wonder four stations have taken it off the air. Mostly in the south, but Indiana could be an honorary member of the southern states. Solidly red, if you will. Christian Campbell has been working out, that adds yet another layer of quality to the show.

Then there is Crumbs, ABC's new comedy on Thursdays. Unfortunately it is up against The Office, which is one of NBC's few hits. Crumbs is also a very good show, and not just because the main character happens to be gay. Fred Savage is so perfect for that role. Actually everyone seems perfectly cast. The music is excellent as well, good to see they were not afraid to use some songs from the pop oeuvre. I would recommend this show to anyone who is a fan of good writing and not just the typical sitcom one-two punch lines. Plus I love me some crazies.

Will and Grace kind of impressed me last week. Their show about The Sound of Music was consistently funny. Not to mention Will finally having a love interest of sorts. I couldn't believe they got Taye Diggs to play the role. Most black guys just don't like to play gay, just ask Will Smith (even though it launched his career in film). I wish this week's show had been as funny. The live thing is okay once, but even going live and throwing in Matt Lauer can't save a bad script. Then to throw in slapstick, I'd expect that from Three's Company, but not from my homies.

I have recently discovered Commander in Chief. I was never a fan of West Wing, so I thought I wouldn't like this show either. Then I bought the pilot on iTunes and fell in love. I hope it helps to prepare America for its first female President. And I'm not talking Hillary or Condi either. Of course the way things are going, Judge Alito will throw us all back to the fifties so a woman in the White House could never happen. After all, he thinks the Warren Court went too far, judicial activists doncha know.

So, set your DVR's and start watching some good programming childrens, Homey will play dat.

And So Life Begins Anew

2006-01-06T22:06:00.000-05:00

First week back at work was not too much fun. Seemed like the longest four days on record. Following the story of the trapped miners in West Virginia really brought me down. Those poor families, such unbearable pain.

All the good news on the horizon seems to be coming from Washington. Jack Abramoff, the Republican poster boy for clean living, is singing like a canary. I can't wait until he starts squealing on his friends in the White House too. I hope it really breaks open in late Summer, just in time for the elections. Please let no Dems be involved, please let no Dems be involved...

Looking at today's headlines about IBM freezing their pension plan sent chills up and down my spine. How can all these companies be allowed to do this? When you work for a company your whole life, they shouldn't be allowed to tell you after the fact that your pension will stop. One of the reasons most people select certain companies to work for is because of the benefits offered. You spend 25 years working toward your retirement, thinking you have everything planned (at least the things you thought you could count on), and then POP, in your fifties you have to scramble for another plan for your financial future. Worse yet, you may have to work into your seventies in order to live. It is no coincidence that this is happening when the Republicans control all the branches of government. Those bastards...

But I'm not bitter. I just hope this cycle changes before the environment is destroyed and we are all working for Chinese wages. Such selfish, short-sighted thinking. Don't they care about their own children and grandchildren, or other peoples' children? Sometimes they just make me want to spit...

On a happier note, I'm hoping to get a video iPod soon. My iPod is only six months old, but it doesn't do video. Who can live like that. Now if only I can talk my other half into letting me get it. Maybe I'll say I found it on the street? Left by a homeless man with the same musical tastes as me. Yeah, that'll work.

No, the picture above is not the homeless man. That's me, can't you see that I'm just geezer-licious??? Sorely in need of a shave though. It's all part of being manly I guess. Just call me smilin' Scotty.

2006 Already???

2006-01-01T16:56:00.000-05:00

I promise not to do a year-in-review blog. You can't turn the channel on the TV without seeing one of those shows. Okay, we know what happened, we were there.

I would like to talk about the future, however. Not just my future, but the future of us all.

Where is my turban when I need it, I can't even find my crystal ball? I guess I won't be playing Madam Sasha in any local carnivals anytime soon. I keep hoping to see a brighter tomorrow, but looking to Washington that light just keeps getting dimmer.

Bush's poll numbers are starting to go back up, for what reason I don't know. Maybe people like being spied on, maybe we secretly think we are all bad and need to be looked after. Maybe people are just so frightened by the future that civil liberties and the rule of law really don't mean much anymore. I wish I knew (damned crystal ball).

I do know that the right-wing is still way better organized than the left. We don't have built-in meeting places where like-minded people can attend services on a weekly basis. Well, maybe a couple, but not nearly enough. We also don't have the mean-spirited soul that is needed in cut-throat politics (Mr. Frist and Mr. Delay, etc.). That's a good thing and a bad thing. After all, we really don't want to be like them, do we?

So, from this vantage point, the first day of 2006, things look iffy. All we can do is hope and pray that the Dems get their act together and the press takes notice. And that Mr. Bush continues to fall on his face and gets indicted for spying on us illegally. We also have to work toward taking back at least one of the houses of Congress this November. Wouldn't that be loverly...

Breaking Boundaries

2005-12-18T21:43:00.000-05:00

There aren't many times in your life, when you sit down in a movie theater, and you know something is changing. Such is the case with me today, when I went to see Brokeback Mountain. I saw people sitting in a crowded theater on a Sunday afternoon, watching something that could make them very uncomfortable, and not blinking an eye.

Before it gets over-hyped, or over-backlashed, let me just say that it is a very well made movie that shows America something it has rarely seen. A realistic portrayal of two men in love and the devastation that society's mores have on them.

Whether you are on the left or the right, it really doesn't matter. These two characters show what repression and hatred can do to two human beings. What self-loathing and denial produce. You see that the burden of society's expectations is often crushing.

The ex-gays look at this movie and see it as something else altogether. They see two married men who should have remained faithful to their wives. I see two men who should have remained faithful only to each other, never having married any women. Lies destroy the wives and children as well as the husband and father. Not to mention the man on the outside.

I hope America embraces this film, sees it for what it really is. Not a political statement, but the story of hopes and dreams thwarted and lives denuded. I hope even folks in the red states will go see it, and not just in the big cities. Anyone who has ever felt the pain of loss or loneliness will find it speaks to their hearts.

Holiday Cheer

2005-12-03T12:21:00.000-05:00

As we begin another December, let us try and remember what this special season of the year really means. Strings of street lights, even stop lights, blink a bright red and green, as the shoppers rush home with their treasures. Hear the snow crunch, see...

The Christianists are screaming that stores shouldn't say Happy Holidays, because that takes the Christ out of Christmas. Well folks, their customer base consists of a lot more than just Christians. There are other religions, including paganism, that celebrate holidays this time of year. It is like these folks have no shame, everyone must bow down so that we can make this a Christian nation.

Then the Christianists got mad because people started calling them holiday trees not Christmas trees. Considering the fact that the idea of cutting down a tree and decorating it every December started long before Christianity was invented, I don't think they have much of an argument there either.

Now the Christianists are positing the idea that the US of A was founded as a Christian nation, and that all the founding fathers agreed on that. Well, if you look back at the history of the founding of this nation, especially at the drafting of the Constitution, you will see that the Christainists back then wanted to put more God in, but the secularists were able to keep God out (mostly). So the secularists won one way back in the 18th century, and now the Christiano-fascists are trying to fight this battle anew.

I fear for this land of ours when I see how emboldened the right-wingers are in their makeover of our country. Alito is probably the biggest thing they have accomplished that cannot be overturned by a right-thinking government (that we can elect next November). I hope America is waking up to all that is going on around them, before we end up being a theocracy along the lines of Iran and (formerly) Afghanistan. God help us if that happens.

Love That Man Murtha

2005-11-21T19:38:00.000-05:00

I was just watching Congressman Murtha on The Situation Room. It is really hard to see this guy as a fast talking politician. He is so straightforward, such a straight shooter that you really have to marvel at the Republicans for attacking him personally. What were they thinking? I guess it was their typical knee-jerk reaction to any critic. Let's do a little character assassination.

Let's just step back from Murtha and the war and look at the bigger political picture. America is finally seeing Bush and his cronies for what they are, a talking machine with little substance. It's like the emperor's new clothes, this guy's got nothin'. I wonder what took everyone so long?

Cheney comes out of his bunker to bash anyone who dares to criticize the Bush policies, sneering the whole time. You're hurting our troops, giving comfort to the enemy, he says. No, what we are doing is showing the enemy that we live in a democracy and we can disagree with each other and still be united in our fight against religious fanatics. President Bush does not equal the US of A. You can criticize the President while still being a patriot. If the right-wing felt so strongly about it, why did they spend eight years tearing down Clinton?

Let's also look at the growing Jack Abramoff scandal. Today we see one of his cronies pleading guilty and agreeing to testify against his former friend. I can't wait to see this scandal unfold completely. You know that Tom DeLay and Ralph Reed are right in the middle of it. The hypocrisy of these guys is just beyond belief.

More scales will soon be falling from our eyes. What's left to see in the contiuing saga of Operation Desert Mask? Much more I would wager.

We Are All God

2005-11-12T17:57:00.000-05:00

Most evolutionary theories posit that all life began with a single cell. That we all evolved from that cell into what we are today. It took millions of years, but eventually we all became complex creatures living in a very complex world.

Now what if that one cell was actually God? What if God is not a being as we know it, but a giant entity that encompasses all of us? What if the light of God is in each and every one of us? Passed on with the gift of life???

Each time we help our fellow man, we lift someone up, those are God's hands doing it? Every time we achieve great things, that is God in action.

I know it sounds like a strange concept, but how else can God really manifest him/herself but through our actions? There are the wonders of nature, of course, but that could be just another part of what God became.

Horrible things happen all the time, that could be God too. No one wants to believe that God could be responsible for evil, violence, disease and the wrath of nature. But who's to say that God sees these things as bad? Maybe in the greater scheme of things they are not.

Maybe God is just that divine spark in everything, moving mankind and the universe forward? Maybe it is what we call the life force?

One part of this theory would have to be that there is some kind of a plan in all this and that this journey we call life is not just a series of random events not leading us anywhere. I think we all need to believe in a higher purpose, something greater than ourselves. After all, we are the sum of our (God's) parts.

More About the Journey

2005-10-29T18:53:00.000-04:00

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Lucky Bitch Radio with Wanda Wisdom, and as usual I learned a lot. Wanda was talking about being happy, and how she, as a recovering alcoholic, has finally found peace. She said she had always been goal oriented and thought that happiness would come when those goals were reached. Well, happiness wasn't there at the end of the road. What she realized then was that she never had a plan for being happy along the way.

Being happy on the journey, what a concept. Since life is all about the journey, it sounds like something we should all be thinking about. Instead of just saying "some day" I will be happy, when I reach retirement, or graduate, or get that new job, etc., we need to start thinking about today (where have you heard this before).

I know there is always booze and drugs, but that is not much of a long term plan for happiness. We all need something to get us through from day to day, until we reach the end. Friends help a great deal, money seems to help to. There is always family, but that can be a mixed blessing. Then there is the search for meaning in all this.

I think that doing what you love to do on a daily basis is probably the best way to stay happy. Those of us who are tied to our jobs with golden handcuffs may have to wait a while to do exactly what makes us happy. But for those of you who are still young enough, don't spend your life doing something just to get by, just to earn a living. Get out there and find out what makes you happy and just maybe the journey will be a joyous one.

Tempus Fugit

2005-10-20T19:56:00.000-04:00

I firmly believe that the older you get, the faster time goes. It seems like the 9th grade lasted a lifetime, but 1982 seems not that long ago.

I look at my life and think, at best, I have thirty or forty years to live. Then I think back over the last 30 years, and wonder where it all went. How did I get to be this middle-aged man who can retire (early) in the next few years?

The hardest thing to grasp is seeing old friends who have retired and realizing it was so many years ago. Wondering if my retirement years will go by in a flash. What can I do to slow down this ceaseless march of time? How can I savor every minute of my remaining life?

You can't really hold on to things, or people. They come and go whenever they will. You can't really stop, look, listen and make time stand still either. All you can really do is try to live the best life you can. Rid yourself of negative emotions. Try to make every waking moment a happy one.

Every time I start to feel angry, resentful, or petty, I stop and try to hold these feelings at bay. Try to look at why that person is so rude, or wonder - do I really resent that someone has that much more than I do. I am usually able to push these feelings away and keep them away. I don't know how or why I am able to do it, but I am very glad that I can.

So the next time you feel those crappy negative emotions heading your way, stop, think and let it roll off you like an indictment off Tom Delay's back.

Crazy Daze

2005-10-08T19:21:00.000-04:00

I have always thought that the right-wing media machine merely spun things their way and occasionally exaggerated. It has become apparent recently that this is not the case. Turns out they have their own little (or big) alternate reality. In this world they really believe that Vince Foster was killed because Hillary and/or Bill put a hit out on him to keep him quiet. Same with Ron Brown. They show x-rays of his skull with a small entry wound at the top, in their world a bullet hole.

This is just the extreme end of their world. They also believe that Clinton is to blame for the recession that recently ended and that George the 1st was responsible for the Clinton boom that lasted longer than any other in history.

They believe that the Clintons and their ilk stole everything but the kitchen sink when they left the White House, even though later news reports indicated that it was all a Repub exaggeration to make the Dems look bad.

The list is endless. Anything bad that has ever happened was the Dems fault, all good things can be traced back to Reagan or Bush. They even rip Jimmy Carter apart saying he tried making a deal with the Soviets when he saw he could not win in 1980. What he thought the Soviets could do for him is left unexplained. Like most Repub BS, they figure if you say it enough times it will become the truth.

Lefties support dictators, the Catholic church never murdered anyone, and gays are taking over the country. The islamo-terrorists are every left-wingers best friend, and when we aren't hanging out with them we are performing abortions just for fun.

The idea that they could actually have a lucid discussion about the issues seems almost impossible. We'd both have to live in the same world for that to happen.

Judging by Bush's latest poll numbers I think their strategy has not been working too well lately. I can only hope that if Rove gets indicted that would put a huge nail in the coffin of the right-wing attack machine. But since reality seems to mean little to these people, it is hard to say if that will have any effect whatsoever.

What Have You Done Today (to make you feel proud)

2005-09-30T22:56:00.000-04:00

If you don't know a lot about Brit-pop, you probably won't recognize the song title above. I find myself returning to this song over and over again for inspiration.

Today we buried a good friend of mine. She died of cancer at the age of 50. Way before her time. She was a kind and gentle soul who was always concerned with the welfare of others. Someone you were actually happy to know.

As her casket was rolled out of the church and all our tears flowed, I realized just how important today is. One year ago my friend seemed perfectly healthy. Today she is dead.

She did everything she was supposed to. Had annual checkups, exercised, ate right, went to church every week. I feel a deep sadness, tinged with fear, for myself and those I love.

What is this all telling us children? Well, we knew that there were no guarantees in life, but the older you get the more you see this happening every day. How someone in their 80's makes it through the day is beyond me. It must be ever present in their lives.

In the meantime, let's do just what the song suggests. Savor every minute we have. No day but today...

Our German Shepard

2005-09-24T19:34:00.000-04:00

Yes, being about 75% German myself, I was trying to put the best face on this new pope. Let's give him a chance, I said. Maybe he will grow into the job.

As the linked article (above) clearly shows, this guy is much worse than first thought. Banning gays from the priesthood??? That's like banning women from being nurses. It's just the way it has always been.

I grew up in a strict Lutheran household, so I don't have too much invested in the Catholic church. Except that there are over a billion people professing the faith, which makes it kind of important to all of us. If you ignore them, they won't just go away.

We all know why this is being done. The church has never really addressed their child abuse scandal. So now they figure they can blame it on the gays. It wasn't the churches fault that they (the church) kept covering up for all these perverts, transferring them around the country just to get them out of the way. Never calling the police to report what unspeakable acts had been performed with these kids. No, they don't want to talk about how they dealt with the problem. How they could have stopped much of the abuse by booting these guys out right away.

Most Americans often equate gays with pederasts, but gays are far less likely to molest children than straights are. I am not even sure if you can use the term gay and straight for a pederast. I think it is just a predilection for children. The power over them, not having to deal with an equal in a relationship, etc. I think the church is counting on most American's misconceptions.

The other thing the Pope's minions will be doing here is ferreting out dissidents in all of our seminaries. Gay, straight, it doesn't matter, if they speak (at all) against the teachings of the church, they are out! It's like we just went back 500 years.

When Galileo was hauled before the Pope's rep, he was told that the earth could not possibly revolve around the sun. He ended up backing down, but that did not change the facts. It wasn't until the late 20th century that the church finally apologized for what they had done. How long will we have to wait for any apology for this Pope's behavior? When I think of all the needy people on this planet who could use the church's help, just to live, and the church is spending its energy rooting out gays and dissidents.

What I don't understand is why American Catholics don't break from Rome and just have their own church? Most Americans don't agree with the Pope on birth control, divorce, artificial insemination, celibacy, the list is endless. So why don't they just break off and go in a more forward direction? We can call it The Great Schism of 2005.

I think we need to have a bitch-slap the Pope day. I would really like to get my hands on that twit. The worst part is, he is probably a closet case himself.

Life Carries On

2005-09-19T19:20:00.000-04:00

Just when I think this power of positive thinking thing is workin' for me, I find out that a good friend of mine is on a vent in Intensive Care, dying from cancer. We all thought she was doing better, but that is not how it turned out. She just turned 50 in March, so we are all just devastated.

Suddenly I hear my more religious friends wonder if God really does answer prayers. Being a spiritual but not necessarily a religious person, I don't have any answer. I thought religion was supposed to comfort people at a time like this. She's going to a better place, she won't have to live with this earthly toil, etc. There's the comfort of religion. A place to rest, where it is not all about the journey anymore.

Faith can be shaken, I know, I have seen that many times before. If it can't, then you are probably not very bright and can't think through things very easily. God gave us the power of reason, and that often conflicts with any faith we may hold.

I often find comfort in the circle of life. I remember seeing my pregnant sister-in-law standing at my grandmother's death bed. I saw it again as my pregnant niece-in-law stood at her mother-in-law's death bed. It is all about renewal and the power of life to carry on. Even if it is not necessarily your life. That's when it gets really hard to see the circle, as only the end is visible.

Time Passages

2005-09-10T19:49:00.000-04:00

Trying to find our way through life, we often find ourselves depending on others for comfort and solace. As we travel down life's road we often lose these people along the way. People die or move away, or can't find time for you anymore (and vice versa).

Look back on life's road and think of all the people you thought would always be around. All the friends from college that meant so much to you, who you haven't heard from in years. All the loved ones who have died long before their time.

I visualize walking down a road, hand in hand in hand with the people who have been important to me, and gradually as I keep walking they all let go (one by one) and I am left alone. No matter how hard I try and hold them tight, they let go, and disappear into the mist. Off onto another path, on earth or otherwise.

How do you keep going, how do you find your way again? How do you recreate that sense of community that existed in the past? Tears only last so long, then you sit there looking for happiness again.

As you age you don't make friends as quickly and easily as you did in your twenties. I so don't want to end up lonely and bitter. Having other people around keeps you young and keeps your mind active, and studies have shown that social interaction helps keep depression at bay.

So folks, I will endeavor to be more outgoing and see what comes of it. See, I'm smilin' already, "Hey - how ya doin' today..."

Yikes!

2005-09-05T12:45:00.000-04:00

Even I never thought Bush and his cronies could screw up this much. After all they are a well-oiled machine.

Let's start with Katrina. How do you wait for five days to fully respond to a disaster, in a place where said disaster has been predicted for years? How do you cut funds for completing a levee system for a city that is basically a bowl or dry land surrounded by water? Then spend that diverted money on Iraq? I could go on and on (and frequently have).

Main Entry: New Or·leans
Pronunciation: 'or-lE-&nz, 'or-l&nz, 'orl-y&nz, (")or-'lEnz
Usage: geographical name
city & port SE Louisiana between Lake Pontchartrain & Mississippi River population 496,938

People (not just Kanye West) say that the Bushies did this because they are racist . I don't really buy that. I think that they looked at the New Orleans area and saw a Democratic stronghold, and really weren't too concerned after that. These aren't potential voters, so let's not be too worried about them.

Let's move on to John Roberts. How do you nominate a 50 year old man with two years on the bench to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court? Think of all the great jurists out there in this country of ours, how do we end up with this man who has so little experience. I'm not saying I wanted Scalia as Chief Justice, but how about asking Sandra Day O'Connor back, or something!!! Roberts may be bright, but he is not the best man for this job.

And what about putting more women on the court??? We have one woman now (on a 9 person court), when women make up over half of this country's population. Sometimes I think Georgy Porgy just goes with his gut instincts, thinking they are infallible. Well, guess what, they are not.

Mother Sheehan

2005-08-25T22:43:00.000-04:00

The Republican Machine is at it again. This time it is a poor mother who has lost her son in Iraq. They set out their talking points trying to tear her down, stopping at nothing in their quest to destroy the truth.

What is her crime exactly, oh yeah, she wants a few words with the President. He hasn't met with anyone he disagrees with for years. All his audiences are pre-screened and ask him pre-screened questions. Sounds more like the leader of North Korea than of the US doesn't it? "Yes fearless leader, I want to tell you how much I appreciate all you have done for us." Jeff Gannon wasn't the first plant and he won't be the last.

Getting back to Cindy Sheehan. I know not all parents react to the death of a child in the same way. It seems there have always been grieving mothers of soldiers at war. But no one can discount the way they handle their grief. They have to do what works for them. Any way to ease the pain and suffering they have endured/are enduring. Just trying to imagine that kind of pain is too much for me.

So, let's send Cindy our love and support. So the Borg and their constant barrage will not be the dominant voice heard by America. Whether we think our kids should come home now or not, we all know that this war has only made the war on terror an even bigger nightmare. Iraq is now the center for terrorists from all over the mid-east. What a giant mistake.

Not to mention what is has done to the price of gasoline...

Scotty O Goes to the Fair

2005-08-19T20:34:00.000-04:00

Well, we made it out to the State Fair today. It is the 100th anniversary of the fair (in Detroit) although it is the country's oldest state fair, originally begun in 1849 (which is old by new world standards).

We had a nice time there. We saw (and smelled) some livestock, learned about animal husbandry, and the miracle of life. Ate corn dogs and elephant ears. Walked down the midway. A good time was had by all. The weather was just perfect.

These are some of the photos from my day.

Summer's End

2005-08-14T21:05:00.000-04:00

Why is it that every year, summer starts in all the stores in March, and fall starts in early July. I went out to try to find some pool supplies in late July, and most stuff was gone. Try to find summer clothes in August and most of them are gone as well.

Do retailers ever actually live in the moment? I can find Halloween decorations in August, but not plastic patio furniture. I can get Christmas decorations in September, but the fall clothes are mostly gone.

It must really drive the teachers crazy. Hearing about back to school sales in July when they are not even half way through their summer vacations. I imagine the only folks not bothered by this time-shifting retailers like to do are the retirees. They can just relax and live their lives from day to day not really caring what's going on around them. I look forward to being one of them some day.

So, I just hang out in my pool, in the heat, knowing that it really is summer for at least another 5 weeks or so. Trying to keep my reality in the present moment. I sweat on a bike ride, looking for a cool breeze. Baking in the summer sun.

Podcasting

2005-08-13T12:10:00.000-04:00

I recently discovered the world of Podcasting. For those of you who don't know what it is, just download iTunes from apple.com and click on podcasts in the Music Store.

Anyway, I have a first generation iPod, 20 gig, and have been listening to music on it for years. Now that I have discovered podcasting, I need more room. So, this week I ordered the latest (4th generation) iPod, 30 gig, from Amazon and am expecting delivery any day now.

Out there in the podisphere there are many interesting and many truly awful podcasts. The only way to find out what's what is to download some podcasts and give them a listen. I have downloaded many gay and non-gay casts. I also listen to some of the more mainstream and commercial ones too. What's really nice about podcasting is that you get to listen to your favorite shows (I love Al Franken and On the Media), when they are convenient for you. Great on a long bike ride or when walking on nature trails, or even driving in the car.

I listened to some gay shows that sounded like they were created by Hollywood's central casting. Bitchy queens, with high pitched voices or lisps, dishing dirt and calling each other girlfriend. All talking about sex and, of course, the penis. As if that is all there is to gay life. I suppose that is really how some folks are, but it really puts me off. I guess I need to hear from people more like myself, regular guys leading fairly ordinary lives. Where sex is just one part of their lives, not the be all and end all of it.

There are podcasts out there for every interest, so give it try. You might just discover a brave new world.

Look Back in Anger

2005-07-30T22:28:00.000-04:00

Sorry I have seemed so angry lately. I don't mean to. I just get all worked up when I see what is happening in our country today. So many people who think God is on their side and that His love is only given out by their rules.

I don't dislike most straight folks. Just the ones who think they are somehow superior because they were born straight and I was not. To think that any kind of love between two (call me old-fashioned) consenting adults could be wrong is just beyond me. Love comes in so many flavors.

I really do believe that love is the most important thing we have here on earth. When you strip away all the bull that is life, love is the one thing that can hold us all together. Personally and as a group of human beings.

A simple act of kindness can be the most extraordinary thing. It can lift you up when you are at your lowest or most vulnerable. If only people would see how important compassion and kindness really are. Call me a bleeding heart, or any other term that you can come up with, I really don't care.

What I am really trying to say (and to bring this all down to the bumper sticker level) is that... Mean People Suck.

Weekend Pleasures

2005-07-27T17:08:00.000-04:00

I just spent a long weekend in the Saugatuck/Holland area. We enjoyed ourselves and didn't spend too much time in any one place.

Holland is part of the more conservative west Michigan area that includes Grand Rapids. Lots of Dutch Reform types there. It is pretty ironic considering what today's Dutch are really like. Gay marriage, legalized prostitution, lax drug laws, etc. Everywhere we went in Holland, every one was blond and bland.

Saugatuck used to be a pretty gay friendly resort town. Now it is packed with families and other straight folks looking in the dozens of quaint shops there. The only gay folks left are the shop owners. We met quite a few of them. I just couldn't get over how packed the town was. It took us quite a while to find a place to park.

It seems that everytime the gays discover or create a great place to live/be the straight folks want to take over. They never have the guts to move into a distressed area or take a chance, but once the gays get everything nice and settled, then the straights come along and act like they just discovered a treasure.

We also stopped by Douglas Dunes - which is a huge gay resort in Douglas, just over the bridge from Saugatuck. That was nice. So many things going on there (inside the club). I still can't believe the things people do out in the woods though. I have never gotten into that. Those guys must be very short on self-respect. I guess I have always looked for love first and sex has always just been a part of that.

Straight Parents

2005-07-19T12:30:00.000-04:00

Once again we hear of the superior parenting skills of those heterosexuals. Now a man has killed his three year old while trying to "toughen" him up because he thought he might be gay (see above link).

I can't begin to tell you how sick this makes me feel inside. Gays are abused, beaten and murdered all around the world every day. By governments and individuals alike. But to think that a parent would do this to his own child, all for fear he might be gay.

How do we protect gay youth? We thought we only had to start in high schools where gay kids are picked on every day. How could we possibly help a poor three year old boy who wouldn't even understand why his father hated him in the first place. Where are the right-wing Christianists now, the ones screaming about family values? A poor defenseless child, not safe in the bosom of his own family.

To make matters worse, the man's wife and friends all said the same thing. Oh, he was only trying to toughen him up so he wouldn't be gay. Like, of course that's what he should be doing. All in the best interest of the child. What a bunch of sick f..ks.

I only hope that the man, and his wife, get life in prison. They deserve nothing less.

What's Wrong With US

2005-07-18T21:19:00.000-04:00

I have lived in Detroit and its suburbs all my life. We are just across the river by tunnel or bridge from Windsor, Ontario. How can it be that we have ended up so very different from our neighbors to the north?

Every time I go to Canada it feels like I am going back in time. To America maybe 25 years ago. A slower and more deliberate place. A place where violence is rare and people are still polite to each other (for the most part). A place where it's okay to be different from everyone else.

Judging by the poll I have linked at the top, you'd think our two countries were from very different parts of the world. Most Americans don't even think that gays deserve civil unions let alone equal marriage rights. How did the Canadians get to be so kind hearted and open, while we have turned ever more insular and closed minded?

I think it all goes back to the 80's, when Mr. Reagan and his ilk took over in Washington and began to turn the country back to a simpler time, a time when there was them and there was us. A time when everyone knew their place and you didn't act or think differently from the mainstream (without some type of sanction). Ah, the good old days are here again.

The promise of the 60's and 70's was crushed by the Rev. Falwell's of the world. The closed minded and frightened individuals who could not understand what was happening around them. Who believed that the bible was unchanging and to be taken literally. Funny how they only pulled out certain parts to take literally, the rest just seems to have become a quaint historical reference for them. Yes, you can work on Sunday without being put to death nowadays.

It's not that I think the whole country has gone their way. If you look at the election results from the last two presidential elections and compare them to the elections in the 80's, you'll see that the country is evenly divided. In the 80's the Democrats lost big time, winning maybe a handful of states.

The biggest factor turning the country rightward is that they are much better organized. They have a machine in place. A mean-spirited, cold-hearted machine that holds the absolute truth up to all of us, waiting for us to believe.

The Democrats by their nature could never be as mean and manipulative as the Republicans. They believe in the future and in the innate goodness of mankind. Republicans fear the future and think that only by going back to the tried and true will this country become right again. Shades of 1984. We know what is best for you.

Sometimes I see the glass half full, sometimes I see it half empty, and sometimes I just want the glass to spill over. Maybe start a new America, without all the Puritanical baggage that we can never seem to get rid of.

The Spin We're In

2005-07-18T12:45:00.000-04:00

Well, the Rove saga continues. He has not exactly gotten out from behind the eight ball, but he has muddied the water so much that no one can tell exactly who said what to whom and when they said it.

I sometimes feel that the Republican spin machine is the Borg. All powerful with no known weaknesses. Between talk radio and Fox News they spin like a top all day long. Then they head to the mainstream media and do it again. When will someone find their Achilles heel? The Press came close to standing up to them last week, but now they just look dazed and confused.

Then there is Ken Mehlman. Jewish and probably gay to boot. How does he end up as the mouthpiece for the Republican party? He must be plagued with internal conflicts, all the while feeling like a lapdog (rather like the mayor of Portland). Self-respect does not appear to be the strongest feature of closeted conservatives.

For some reason I never felt too conflicted about being gay. I figured if someone didn't like me because I'm gay then they probably weren't worth knowing in the first place. I guess it all depends on how you define yourself (or if you let others define you instead). I have always refused to be assimilated, although I hear...

Resistance is futile.

Darth Tater

2005-07-13T20:43:00.000-04:00

Like many progressive thinkers I have loathed the type of politics practiced by Karl Rove for many years. The politics of innuendo and dirty tricks, even against fellow Republicans. The politics of smear and hide. The politics that the party of Watergate and Iran Contra has used for a some time now.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like Rove personally either. In every interview I have seen him in he reminds me of the snarky kid in every school who thinks they know everything but deep inside is an insecure mess. Just look at the man and you can see it written all over him.

So why did Rove decide to let Time magazine's reporter release his name? To me that is the big question. Rove must have known it would have leaked out anyway, so maybe he is just trying to protect himself.

Now Rove and the Repubs are down to saying he didn't release her name to the press, just said it was Joe Wilson's wife. No one could figure that one out. Just like if you said it George W's wife, who would know who it was. Do they really think the American people are that stupid?

The spin of the day (also known as Republican talking points) spouted from Fox and every right-wing talking head on TV is that Valerie Plame wasn't really a CIA covert operative. Even though the CIA has said she was since the story broke in 2003. A felony is a felony Mr. Rove, even if the President is your best bud.

Let us all wait and see how the all powerful White House spin machine handles this one. They have the press hopping mad because they see the hypocrisy in all this. I hope the press stays mad enough to get to the truth and get Rove out of the White House and into the jail house as soon as possible.

Tomorrow Started

2005-07-03T11:33:00.000-04:00

The news this week has been both good and bad. First the good news, Spain and Canada! Starting today gay marriage is legal in Spain, and Canada's lower house passed a gay marriage bill last week and its upper house will do the same soon. Happy Dominion Day and thanks to our friends to the north. I've been looking at real estate in Spain on the internet, that would be a great place to retire (I need warmth).

Now the bad news, Sandra Day O'Connor and Luther Vandross. I was so hoping it would be only Rehnquist resigning this year, but now we have a pivotal centrist leaving. You know Bush will pick some right-wing kook like Scalia or Thomas. I do not look forward to the battle ahead. It will not be a good one for our country. Clinton knew how divisive this all could be so he chose moderates who he knew everyone could support. Bush doesn't have the guts for that, he must appeal to his base and leave the rest of the country out in the cold.

When I heard about Luther I was totally bummed. I went upstairs to one of my PC's and put one of his CD's on. When The Power of Love began I just started bawling, all the way through the song. It so embodied what he was all about. Luther was more than a beautiful voice (his voice was truly a gift from God), he was also a kind-hearted soul. Someone who lived for his family and all his friends. You could see his innate goodness in any interview or concert. The fact that he was probably gay and knew he could never tell his fans is kind of sad. He was a romantic crooner and knew that an openly gay man could not (yet) pull that off in the popular mindset. I love you Luther for all you were and all you could have been.

I believe in the power of love...

The Heterosexual Lifestyle

2005-06-17T17:52:00.000-04:00

It seems that every other day I am reading a story about some hetero mother or father who has murdered their children. Often in very horrific ways. The story linked above is even more horrible than usual because it involved child molestation and incest as well.

What is it about these heteros that they do not know how to take care of their children? Gay couples treat their kids as if they were gifts from heaven (which they are). We pamper and spoil them, dote on them constantly. We guard and protect them 24 hours a day.

Could it be that the het set takes these children for granted? Maybe it is because they come so easily to them. One drunken night and the next thing they know they are having a baby. They do not have to go through the hoops and minefields that gays must (mostly) do in order to become parents. Somehow children have become a cheap commodity to these hets.

Maybe they should make straights go through all that we do in order to reproduce. Make them go through evaluations at least to see if they are fit to breed. Judging from all of the news stories, that just might save a lot of young lives.

The Fallacy of Ronald Reagan

2005-06-09T21:31:00.000-04:00

Last week US News and World Report had Reagan on the cover, remembering his D-Day, 1984 speech in Europe. Does anyone remember his speech - except Republican stalwarts? Where do they get this stuff about him being a great president? I guess the Republicans are really grasping at straws trying to find a great Republican president to lionize. After all there have been only two, Teddy Roosevelt (who was hated by most Republicans of his day) and Abraham Lincoln.

What were Reagan's accomplishments exactly? He did make us feel better about ourselves, and he gave very moving speeches. He was a trained actor after all, so I am sure he saw it as just another B-movie part.

Did Reagan help end the Cold War? That is a stretch. There were only two people without whom the Cold War would not have ended, Gorbachev and Pope John Paul II. Reagan's "Tear Down This Wall" speech was a joke. How many other presidents had said the same thing. And the Star Wars defense project, if the Soviets had any Intelligence at all, they had to know it did not work (and still doesn't).

He did manage to do in eight years what had taken 200 years to do before, and that is - double the deficit. He did bring us trickle down economics, which we still have with GB the 2nd. Yes, if we just let those rich folks make more money, some of it will eventually trickle down to us. Are you wet yet? I know I'm not.

He did manage to ignore AIDS for most of his presidency. Within three years of Clinton taking office we had a viable treatment for HIV Disease. With Reagan we had mostly silence.

I think GB the 1st had greater accomplishments and did what the country needed in spite of the political costs. Something Reagan never did. He only thought about the here and now, not what was best for the country in the long run. Sound familiar?

This is what Merriam-Webster Online had to say about him:

One entry found for Reagan. Main Entry: Rea·gan
Pronunciation: 'rA-g&n
Function: biographical name
Ronald Wilson 1911- American actor & politician; 40th president of the U.S. (1981-89); achieved a significantly lower rate of inflation; lowered personal income taxes; greatly increased defense spending while reducing expenditures on social programs

I forgot about the inflation thing. You have to give him credit for that. Even if he had to double the deficit to do it.

California Dreamin'

2005-06-04T20:37:00.000-04:00

Well, we almost made it to the Promised Land this week. The California Assembly came within four votes of legalizing gay marriage in the nation's largest state.

I don't know which is worse, if they had voted it in, and then there was a national backlash, or they didn't vote it in and we still don't have gay marriage in any state (that was not court ordered).

How people cannot see that this is just a question of basic civil rights is beyond me. The one argument the right wing always goes to first is that this could lead to group marriage, marrying your dog, etc. They can never just stick with the issue itself. Two adults of the same gender entering into a holy/civil union. That's probably because their argument is far weaker if they just stick to the issue. Two people, together forever (more or less).

They complain about the promiscuity of gay men, and then deny us the one thing that would help us all to settle down into well ordered lives. Not that that is for everyone, I understand that. There are plenty of folks, gay and straight, who think monogamy is unnatural and not in the least bit desirable. But for the rest of us, it gives us the one thing we long for, stability.

Study after study has shown that married folks live longer (not necessarily happier) lives. Having all the hundreds of rights that come along with marriage, not to mention the social supports for our relationships, would go a long way toward putting us all on an equal footing. The love that dare not speak its name would be the same as any other love.

I don't know how long it will be before America comes to it senses and stops thinking that heterosexual love is better than any other. We are all equal here, that is the point of this great experiment we call America.

We Will Remember

2005-05-28T21:00:00.000-04:00

I visited the cemetery this weekend. Buried in the family plot among my grandparents (from both sides of the family) is a great uncle who died in France in 1918. He was barely twenty. I think of all that my grandparents were able to do with their lives and how that promise was cut short for my great uncle Frank.

Then I think about all the war dead, gay and straight. I think about all those who are dying in Iraq, needlessly. In a war whose justification did not exist. I think of all the other countries that could use our help as well, and I am torn. I want to see freedom in the Middle East, but I don't know if our role is to be the world's policeman. But I digress...

We must all appreciate those who have suffered and died for our country. In wars that were popular and not. They knew that we were all depending on them. They gave - that last full measure of devotion, as Lincoln so famously put it.

Without sounding too preachy, let's do all we can to see that the vets who are still around are honored and taken care of. I know Republican patriotism doesn't usually extend to the taking care part, but we must let the folks in Congress know that these vets should not be shortchanged. Before we give another millionaire a tax break, let's think about how much more important it is that we spend that money on our vets. To let them know that we are here for them too.

George Gray

2005-05-21T18:02:00.000-04:00

I have loved this part of the Spoon River Anthology since I was in high school. Sad to say that it still speaks of/to me today. I HAVE studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me—
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire—
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.

Gays, the New Commies

2005-05-20T07:05:00.000-04:00

Just look at the news from around the country and you will see story after story about how the right wing is demonizing gays. Trying to ban books that contain gay content or ones that are written by gay authors. Trying to block gays from being foster parents (forgetting that it was the child's abusive straight parents who made them foster children to begin with). And most of all, trying to keep those damn gays from marrying each other. Don't they know that straights are the superior beings???

At every turn we see that gays are truly to blame for what's wrong with America today. We all know that they have destroyed the American family by causing all those divorces. Oh wait, those are caused by straights. Gays are truly to blame for record amounts of child abuse and neglect. Oh wait, that's caused by straights too. Maybe gays are to blame for record levels of spousal abuse. Oh, not that either. I'm sure we can find some direct correlation between the rise of gay acceptance and the mess that the modern American Family is in.

If all these so called Christian groups would start focusing their money and attention on what's really wrong with this country instead of wasting it all on trying to oppress gays, we might actually see some improvement in the plight of the family.

The arrogance of heterosexuals to think that only they have a love that is worth celebrating (and accepting).

The Filibuster

2005-05-18T20:10:00.000-04:00

I sure hope that TCM runs "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" in the next few days. Nothing can better show the power of the filibuster to fight for a just but unpopular stand. The filibuster hasn't always been used for good, but this time it will be.

Just what is this separation of powers that people keep going on about? Could it be that we need to have at least one branch of government not under the power of the Republic(ans)? Soon to be called The Empire. If the Senate falls to these power mad hypocrites, then the judiciary is certainly next. It seems that the Emperor wants to control all he sees.

Interesting how Hollywood can tell us so much about ourselves. If only someone were paying attention.

Darkness Falls

2005-05-13T23:32:00.000-04:00

I don't know if any of you have ever had to deal with depression. I know I didn't see it coming, didn't know what it was when it hit me. I wasn't sad exactly, I knew that I just wasn't happy.

I did all the right things to correct the problem. Talk therapy, pills, more talk. It seems to have worked, for the most part. I'm still not the person I was before depression hit me. But I am better.

You're probably wondering "why the true confessions"? It's just that sometimes I see the glimpses of joy I once enjoyed on a regular basis, and I get more depressed (what a vicious cycle).

Aging does not help the problem. You have to deal with all the mid-life and end-of-life issues that you never thought about as a young person. You never had (or wanted) to deal with your own mortality then. Now it is your constant companion.

Yet time keeps passing, relentlessly. You definitely can't go home again.

Church People

2005-05-09T21:08:00.000-04:00

I read in the news the other day about the preacher down South (where else) who has forced out members of his congregation who do not support President Bush. This is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.

First let's talk about the legal issues. A tax-exempt church forcing its political views on its congregants???

Second, Bush is not even running for office. So what is this all about? Signing a loyalty oath? Swearing our allegiance to our fearless leader?

I know most Christian Coalition types think the Constitution is, at best, a nuisance, and at worst, the devil's work. They firmly believe that they have all the answers, know the one absolute truth. And as Al Franken says, "that's the kind of thinking that flies planes into tall buildings".

The framers built a wall between church and state because they saw what could happen when the two were combined. Long before the Taliban, there was a thing called the Inquisition. There were religious wars upon religious wars. There were the believers and the un-believers.

Oddly enough, our country must start looking back if we are ever to have a future. We must learn from past mistakes and move forward, not back. We must fulfill our promise for a better world, where we all belong.

Stars Hollow

2005-05-09T20:39:00.000-04:00

Do we ever really find a home as great as the ones that Hollywood can create for us? A place where we are loved, accepted, teased and generally understood by the community? A place where we belong?

That sense of community is something I think we are all looking for, whether we know it or not.

Even the most ardent loner must wish in their heart of hearts that they too were part of something larger than themselves. Something in and of themselves, but greater in its meaning and purpose.

Whether it is our place of work, our neighborhood, or even our town. These can all be communities where we feel we belong.

Losing that sense of belonging is one of the things that I think has gone wrong in our society. When we have no stake in the world around us, we find it easier to lash out, commit violent acts or heinous crimes.

Perhaps instead of spending all of our time trying to keep others out (gays, Arabs, anyone we don't feel we can understand) we might be better served by trying to bring more people into the fold. Give more folks that sense of belonging and acceptance. Thereby building a safe and happy place to live...

Just like Stars Hollow.

FDR's Legacy

2005-05-09T19:53:00.000-04:00

Listening to President Bush talk this week over in eastern Europe, I was taken aback by his apology for the division of Europe after WWII. Here is a man who can barely finish a sentence on his own, criticizing Franklin Roosevelt for the decisions made at Yalta.

Not only do we have to look at the fact that FDR was gravely ill, what about the fact that FDR knew that America was not ready to fight another war, this time against the Soviets. Most of us can only imagine the world as it stood at the end of disaster in Europe (not to mention the fact that we still had to fight a war in the Pacific).

I agree that it was not a great agreement, but it was the best that Churchill and FDR could get past Stalin. How does someone as lame as Bush criticize (60 years hence) a decision that was made based on so many factors that we still don't know why it happened? First Bush attacks social security, and now end of war decisions. What next?

That's Scotty's rant for the week.

May Day

2005-05-01T19:24:00.000-04:00

I spent the afternoon with my family today. They are all wonderful people, but I don't always enjoy their company. Today we had a good time, eating and laughing. Two of my favorite things.

My folks are both turning 80 this year, and I always enjoy being with them. I do worry about them though. I know what a lot of my friends have had to go through, taking care of elderly parents. My folks still live in the same house they bought in 1955 and have quite active lives. Luckily they are very involved in their church, which keeps them very busy.

Still, I know what's coming. I try to live in the here and now, but I keep seeing the future (and the past). All this sage advice people give us is not always very easy to live with.

I don't even know what to wish for, for my parents' future. Die suddenly, live a long time in a nursing home, or in home care? What would I want for myself? To live forever is the only thing I can come up with.

All I can do for now is hold them close and let them know how much I love them. I hope that's enough.

Republican Majority

2005-04-27T20:17:00.000-04:00

For years people have been saying that if the Republicans ever had total control of the government, they would try to turn this country into a theocracy. Well, guess what, they are now on the march.

Luckily the American people are starting to take notice. No, you can't bend the rules (on an ethics committee no less) to protect your unsavory leader. Yes, you can still be a Christian and support the judicial filibuster. Every day there is a new right wing agenda item coming up in Congress.

Where will it all end? So far they have managed to change the bankruptcy law to suit the credit card companies (not even exempting people who went broke because of a medical emergency), voted to dig in the Alaskan reserve, and even managed to pass a bill today that won't let someone get an abortion in a neighboring state if the state they come from did not allow it. Who knew that our state laws should travel with us wherever we go.

Wondering where we're headed? Looks like the American Taliban is trying to take over.

It Can't Happen Here

2005-04-26T11:32:00.000-04:00

The news all over Rochester Hills today is the story of a 15 year old boy who stabbed his mother to death. She was a divorced hypno-therapist whose license plate read LOVE4U. By all accounts she doted on her son, who most folks say was just a typical teenager.

How do people come to this? How does an ordinary high school freshman one day reach for a knife and stab his own mother (111 times)?

Is it the culture we live in? The culture of violent video games and movies, where slicing someone up is considered fun and entertaining. Do our children become desensitized to violence because it is such a large part of their everyday (entertainment) experience?

All I can do is react in sadness and dismay. Two lives totally destroyed, the promise of the future brought to nothing.

Losing a Loved One

2005-04-23T15:23:00.000-04:00

Heidi Siw

They say you shouldn't be too sad when a pet dies. After all, she was only a dog. But, I am finding that the sadness continues longer than I expected. I was surprised at the number of sympathy cards I received and the number of friends who emailed to say how sorry they were.

As I watched her suffer the night she died, I remember thinking that I could not end the suffering of a loved one, if they were human. I would just have to watch them struggle in fear and pain. Luckily I could take my dog to the vet and end her suffering, painlessly and without fear.

Then you put yourself in their place. That makes it all too painful and frightening. I hope there are more Dr. Kevorkians out there when my time comes.

Helping Others

2005-04-23T11:06:00.000-04:00

I think I find my greatest joy when I am helping someone. Especially someone who can't help themself. But I wonder am I doing it just because it makes me feel good, maybe even lucky that I am not that person?

We should be wanting to do things for others because it is the right thing to do, not for purely selfish reasons. Maybe I do it for both reasons?

Today's lesson children is Know Thyself. That's probably one of the hardest things to do. There's the you that you think you know, then the other side that comes out occasionally. Which is the real you? It's all about the motivation. Why are you doing what you're doing. That's where the real you lies.

Why Go On?

2005-04-22T21:31:00.000-04:00

You have to wonder, at least every once in a while, why in the heck we are here. If you have a strong religious faith, maybe you already know. If you don't, maybe you don't care. But what if you are in between???

That's my dilemma.

As you grow older, you begin to see the end of life's journey, you see friends dying, even in their forties and fifties. You wonder, am I next. It's all about me...

How sad if that's true.

I was brought up to believe that we are all here to do good works, to help others. I still feel that way. Mostly...