Holiday Cheer

Well, I'm writing to you from my new laptop (thanks Santa), not that I had an old laptop. This is my first one actually. I never thought I could use one, but now I don't leave home without it. I have even ordered a battery charger for the car. You never know when you might have a web casting or blogging emergency, and I wouldn't want to be caught short handed.

I hope all of you are enjoying the holidays. Mine have been hit and miss. Tonight I am going to a party at some lesbian friends' house. They just remodeled and doubled the size of their home. You know those lesbians love to remodel. But these are Lowe's lesbians, not the garden-variety Home Depot ones. Just a cut above.

I am off work until next Wednesday, January 3rd. 11 whole days in a row. It is about the most time I take off all at once each year. Now that I will be retiring in just over 2 years, I will be taking a little more time off. There is a cap on the amount of leave I can accrue, so I don't want to waste it. Maybe another trip to Saugatuck or Chicago this summer? Always fun.

So, how about this political landscape of ours? Bush is conferring on a new strategy in Iraq. The Dems may be taking over both houses (get well soon Senator Johnson). I just hope the Dems don't go for the jugular right away. They have to prove that they are about the business of governance, not revenge. That is what the Repub's were all about, vengeance. Hopefully we can put the needs of the country first, for a change.

I have been wondering a lot lately why I am still here. Had news of another loved one/family member being stricken with terminal cancer. So far I have lost two former sisters-in -law and a few close friends to the clutches of cancer. Every day I pray that each new pain I have is not some subtle symptom of cancer. I have enough fear and trepidation to deal with on a daily basis already.

So why, we may ask, does God allow all this to keep happening? Why does disease strike those we love the most, those who are sweet and kind to everyone on a daily basis? We can go with the "the Lord works in mysterious ways" explanation. That works pretty well. Or how about the, "death is very much a part of life" route. Either one is cold comfort to someone who is in pain. To see the kind of suffering this disease can bring is to know how truly powerless we all are in the vast scheme of things. This body we occupy is a very complex machine that can be laid low in so many ways.

So, what of the power of prayer? It has not worked for me in the past, yet I still continue to use it. I can't think of many other weapon right now. Love, hope and prayer, these are the three biggies that will help us all through this. All having equal power.

I would like to wish you all a better year in 2007. I know we always think it can't be worse, but we all know it often is. So in spite of my dire predictions, let's try and live each moment as if it were our last. Try to savor the family and friends we still have with us. They are the true gifts of this holiday season.

We Are All God's Children

I watched a Frontline special the other night on PBS. It was about Jim West, the former mayor of Spokane, Washington. I remember hearing about his dilemma at the time, on TV and the internet. I remember wondering why he just did not quit, like so many other disgraced Republicans had.

After hearing the whole story, I see why he fought so hard to keep his job. I ended up feeling sorry for this man who never really had a chance at a true and happy life.

Here was a man born into a conservative part of his state, who became a Boy Scout leader, then a sheriff's deputy, then a state legislator, then mayor of Spokane. All the while just doing what was expected of him. Going along in the state house when his fellow Republicans proposed anti-gay bills, but never leading the charge.

Shortly after becoming mayor, he discovered that he had colon cancer. This triggered a deep self-examination, as such traumatic events often do. Realizing that he had suppressed his sexuality for his entire life, he began logging into gay chat rooms, with the hope that he may actually meet someone.

Somehow, one of the guys he regularly chatted with realized that he was the mayor of Spokane. Being a good liberal he immediately went to the local paper with the story. They, in turn, set up a sting operation, posing as a seventeen year old boy. They tried baiting him into meeting up with their decoy, but he didn't take the bait. It was not until he was certain that the boy had turned 18, that he agreed to a meeting.

While all this is going on, he does offer a few of the guys he met online unpaid internships at city hall. I think he is so socially underdeveloped, that he is like a high-school boy trying to get people to like him. Even though he is in his fifties, he has never really had any experience with gay relationships. Coming out that late in life, he was like a long-distance runner shackled by years of suppressed emotions.

By the end of the show, he is recalled as mayor, then exonerated by the FBI of any wrongdoing in public office, and then he dies of colon cancer in July of 2006.

People called him a hypocrite, a child molester, a disgrace to his office. He does not come off as an especially likeable or attractive man, but nonetheless all too human. Another man destroyed by society's expectations. If only he had been allowed to live a free and open life as gay man, he may have found the joy that loving another human being can bring.

To think he only had one or two gay sexual encounters during his entire life. Those in the back seat of a car in a dark alley. Here lies a man who never got a chance to really live his life, something so many of us take for granted. God rest his soul.

The Comfort of Faith

I remember well the comfort that faith brought me in my youth. The certainty that the world was a black and white place gave me solace through many years of struggle. It wasn't until I started college that I began to doubt anything that I was taught by the Lutheran church.

The remarkable thing was that it was my college girlfriend who made me start thinking about just how much religious dogma flew in the face of logic and reason. See, the dangers of the heterosexual lifestyle? Yes, I had a girlfriend in college, I think most gay guys did, in the early 70's.

Sometimes when I see all that is going on in the world, I think back to those days when I found so much comfort in my religion. God had an answer for everything, no matter how illogical, all you had to do was believe. That was not too much to ask, for all the happiness it brought me.

Now I see people dying in horrible, senseless ways, and I suffer with them. I ask God, and myself, why did this happen. Where is the joy of Christ's love and understanding when two men go into a party store and beat a 73 year old man to death for chump change. My heart just aches with the horror of it all. I want to live in the well-ordered world that was promised me in my youth. Through 12 years of parochial school education I knew what the world was all about. How good would always triumph over evil, how the light of God would always shine through.

Now I am in my fifties struggling to understand the meaning of life and the reasons why we all must die some day. Things could be worse, I could be Ted Haggard and know the world is a very gray place, but have to live my life as though it wasn't. Who knew that when he became an evangelical minister he had to take the hypocritical oath, telling his flock to do as I say, not as I do (shades of Jimmy Swaggert).

Getting back to my point, about faith. God gave us free will, which brought along a whole list of benefits and things that are not so beneficial. If God had just left us as we were in the Garden of Eden, we would be doing okay. Everything would just be peachy keen. I am sure God had a very good reason for giving us this free will thing. I just haven't figured out yet what it is. If you have any ideas, please let me know.

A Sea Change

Well, it looks as though America has finally woken up. Even I was surprised, on Thursday, when the Dems actually took control of the Senate too. Here in Michigan the Dems took control of the House and barely lost the Senate. No one saw that coming either.

What does it all mean? That's what I would like to know. It seems like in the Senate races all the Dems had to lean right to get elected. What will that mean in a senate whose margins are so tight? Any kind of help for gays is surely not on the table, or for abortion rights. We will probably see a minimum wage bill passed, though.

How about that vote in Arizona??? I guess we are getting to the stage in our development as a country that not every state will vote against gay marriage, in huge margins. Outside the south it seems that the margin of victory for the right-wing is getting smaller. The south will always be a unique country unto itself. If the mountain states turn blue, then maybe the Dems have a chance for a permanent majority in Congress.

In the city of Ferndale, Michigan, voters passed a law giving gays equal rights in housing, employment, etc. And by a very wide margin. This after the city had voted down the same law twice before, also by wide margins, in 1997 and 2000. Maybe people really can change.

All the pundits are saying that the gay marriage issue is starting to soften with the electorate, so that maybe in 10 years or so we can vote out all these constitutional amendments that were voted in in so many states. A recent national poll showed that nearly 70% of Americans knew someone who was openly gay. I am sure that that has made us less of a frightening specter to the great unwashed. Unless, of course, the gay they know is Carson from Queer Eye.

Now my prayers are going out to Rev. Haggard in Colorado. He must become an ex-gay with the whole world, and his flock, watching. It still saddens me to think that in this day and age a man must live a lie to be accepted and esteemed in the evangelical world.

I have been smiling for several days now, just thinking how the impossible actually happened. The Dems won control of Congress. Oo-wee...

The October Surprise

I guess Karl Rove did not see this one coming. The House leadership shown for what it really is, a bunch of politicians with no moral compass. And they got into trouble by covering up for a gay guy, how ironic.

This Mark Foley thing has me perplexed. I know what he did was wrong (the emails), but I think mostly because he abused his position of power. In most states in the US the age of consent is 16 (or less). Flirting online seems unethical and very distasteful, in this instance. But you have to wonder - if Mr. Foley were allowed to live openly as a gay man, would he have been in a better place, mentally, and therefore not likely to reach out to these inappropriate contacts?

I know it is hard to see him as the victim in all this, and he is not, but he was forced to live a life filled with lies and deception, and at age 52. Now he is saying he was molested by a priest when he was twelve, which sounds rather off the subject. He wasn't molesting children, he was making inappropriate advances to male pages. He is such a mess mostly because he chose to live a lie, and for purely political reasons.

I think honesty and truth can be very healing, if sometimes painful to deal with. Maybe now that his dirty laundry is out there for the whole country to see and hear about (over and over again on cable news), perhaps he will take stock of his life up to this point and head in a different direction. One that leads him into a healthy relationship with another man, maybe even one around his own age.

It will be interesting to see how the Republicans try and spin this one. Looking out for number one, not caring about the children, a very big oopsy on their part. I am sure they will end up blaming it on the gay movement, they must have made Tom Foley do this, somehow. I am sure Rush Limbaugh and the other deadheads are working on this as we speak.

The good thing is that, so far, no actual physical contact took place between Rep Foley and these boys. Now if we can only say that the Republican party was brought down by a gay man, that would be just too much to ask for. Maybe that will be our November surprise?

Family

I don't know if everyone has TV shows that seem a part of their lives, but I do. In the seventies there were two shows that I could not live without, Family and Maude. To this day they both still push my buttons and make me feel at home, all at the same time.

Family was finally released on DVD this month (see above link), something I have been waiting for for many years. Maude may be out later in the year, but they have promised that before. I won't hold my breath.

When I ordered the DVD, after not having watched the series since it originally aired from 1976-80, I wondered if it would stand the test of time. Often times shows that I loved back then seem insipid and empty now. Not so with my beloved "Family". It moved and entertained me as much now as it did then. I had not seen any of the first mini-season before (six episodes), so I was delighted to see that even the early shows were well written.

That sense of home that I felt then still comes through today. These are people you want to know, folks you want to spend time with. Not just because my own family was rather dull, but because the world they all lived in is so full of love. There is never any doubt, even during the biggest argument, that they will all be there for each other, no matter what.

Maybe it was this certainty that drew me to the show? But that can't be all. So many TV shows had that. I guess none of them gave such a realistic portrayal of a family. They dealt with so many issues that were never brought up on television back then. The pilot episode alone dealt with marital infidelity, not just in Nancy's young marriage, but in the marriage of the couple who are at the center of the series, Kate and Doug.

When they dealt with the homosexuality of Will's best friend since childhood, in the first season, that was quite a shocker. Gays were rarely mentioned on TV back then, unless it was in a negative light. I remember how good I felt when I saw that Buddy and Kate accepted Will's friend Zeke, no questions asked. I was doubly pleased when Willie finally came around at the end of the episode.

It won many awards back then. It was a rare find in the middle of the pablum and drivel that was 1970's television. In between Charlie's Angels and Three's Company, this was an island of sanity and good television.

I am on disk five of six right now, and I can't pull myself away. If you have a chance to buy or rent it, I would highly recommend it. You will not be disappointed.

The Mid-term Elections

Do you think that it is only a coincidence that gas prices have dropped almost a dollar a gallon in the past few weeks? As soon as the primary election season ended, it all seemed to start happening.

It kind of makes you wonder just how much influence the energy companies have over the market. Natural gas prices are also down. We saw how the Enron folks manipulated things to get energy costs up out west, who's to say the big oil companies are not doing this for their old pals, Bush and Cheney.

Guess what else? Bush's approval rating started going up right after gas prices dropped. Hmmm??? Could energy prices be affecting how we feel about our well-being, and that when prices are back to normal we may feel better about the future? Which in turn makes us less angry at the boob-in-chief?

Maybe I am just being paranoid, but none of the market forces have changed that much in the last month. We still have unrest in the middle-east, corruption in Nigeria and a government in Venezuela that hates us. Still have half a downed pipeline in Alaska and limited refining capacity (none of the new refineries being built will be ready for a while).

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the Saudi royal family and the Bushes are old pals too. There is just way too much coincidence here.

I hope the American people aren't going to be duped into putting the Republicans back in office. This country definitely needs a change in governance, and only one party can lead us out of this mess. The same one that got us through two world wars and the great depression, and brought us the booming 90's. Go Dems!

Life Less Ordinary

Hearing the news today about the Crocodile Hunter being killed by a sting-ray just shocked the heck out of me. He was just swimming over it, it was buried in the sand, and whoosh - it stings him through the heart. Life is so fragile.

News like this makes me appreciate, even more, every moment I have. Nothing but a split second separates most of us from the other side (if there is one). Still, for some reason, I am not able to rejoice in every moment lived.

If I could only be sure, one way or the other, if there is something or nothing after we die, I could live my life the correct way. If there is nothing, I would find peace in knowing that all my sins do not need to be forgiven. That the spark of life that I held was just sent out into the universe. If there is heaven and hell, I would end up begging for forgiveness, every day.

If you look back at the history of the major religions we have on the planet today, it is hard to fathom that they could all be right and divinely inspired. And by divine, do we mean a creature from another part of the universe, an ET as it were? Sometimes my logical mind just takes over and I cannot get past all my doubts.

What if I lived and died in Greece in 200 BC? Would I be frying in hell because I had not heard the gospel of Jesus Christ (who wasn't even here yet)? That does not seem fair, now does it?

I truly believe that if you live your life with regard for others and with kindness in your heart (and in your deeds), that you will be blessed (if there is a hereafter). Whether you consider it as reflecting God's love, or just being a good person, it should surely be rewarded.

The Weekly Reader

I have been reading several interesting books over the last few months. Will I ever finish all of them, I'm sure I will some day. Let's look at the list, shall we.

The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln by C.A. Tripp, is a remarkable book. Here we have a well-respected scientist and author doing exhaustive research and finishing the book just weeks before he dies at 83. The other remarkable thing about the book is that it was almost well-received by Lincoln scholars. The basic premise is that Lincoln was at his heart a homosexual. He lived the life expected of men of his time, but he also had love interests and affairs. This might explain the depth of his depression, even beyond all the sorrow he suffered during his life. To think that what you were was beyond the pale, and not having anywhere in literature or history to turn to to see yourself reflected, except perhaps in ancient times.

Mere Christianity is a book comprised of radio broadcasts made by C.S. Lewis during World War II. I have not gotten very far into it, but I am looking forward to his reasoned arguments for Christianity, and to seeing someone who went from being an agnostic to being an ardent Christian.

A Heckuva Job by Calvin Trillin is the latest in a series of poetry books based on the politics of GW Bush, our prez. Trillin skewers Bush on so many levels that it is almost sad. I know the TV pundits use Bush for fodder on a regular basis, and I guess it has gotten to the point where the fact that Bush is a dolt is a given. We will see this fall whether Americans really believe this deep in their hearts.

The Spiral Staircase by Karen Armstrong chronicles the author's life from being a novitiate in a convent, to losing her religion, to finding it again. She is a remarkable woman and I never miss an opportunity to hear her speak on television. Lately her focus has been on explaining the world's three great religions, attempting to help us see how much we all have in common.

Finally there is Grief by Andrew Holleran. This is a novel about a man who has moved to DC after tending to his dying mother for many years. While he is there he is also reading the letters of Mary Todd Lincoln. She spent the last part of her life grieving, unable to find joy in anything. The protagonist in this novel is also having difficulty letting go of the grief he carries for his mother, and for all the friends he has lost to the great gay plague.

I have a mini-vacation coming up and I am hoping to finish all these books while I am off. I also have to finish book five of Harry Potter and the novel Wicked. I can't wait.

War Without End

It seems as though the middle-east has been in turmoil my entire life (actually it has). I often wonder if peace can ever be achieved there. I hope and pray that it can.

Just when we thought Iraq was a total mess, then we have to look to the rest of the region to see what a monumental mess the whole place is. And how much worse it can get.

How and when will it all end? This seems to be turning into a clash of cultures, much like the Crusades. But that was almost a thousand years ago, still we seem to fight on.

I used to think we could just send our troops in there, like the first Gulf War, but now I realize that won't do much good. Now I don't really know whose job it is to straighten that place out. Maybe let the Arab states figure it out, so that whole clash of cultures thing dies down.

We think we have all evolved, after all the wars we have seen throughout history. The war to end all wars, that was almost 100 years ago. Still mankind fights on. We fight over nationalism, religion, and other useless concepts. If people would only realize that we are all part of God's family, we are all together on this road of life, struggling to make it through. We need each other more than we know.

All we are saying...

Living With Sadness

I often wonder if we ever really get over the loss of a loved one. The pain can seem so intense, even years after someone we love has gone. Then we naturally begin to think about our own end, and the sadness deepens.

Maybe this comes with age, with the long view from the other side of the hill (the one I just went over). Life just seems more precious and sad when you realize this is just a short-term thing.

I don't know why the pain of loss endures. I keep wanting to sing "Don't leave me this way...", but no one is listening. I don't feel the presence of those who are gone, as some do. I want to believe they are still with us, but I think it has more to do with the impression they have left upon us. There is a line from a song in Wicked, where one friend who is leaving sings to another, "you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart..." (see link above). That seems to say it all for me.

What to do with the remaining years as we wait for our time to depart? Dwelling on the past does not seem to be working for me. After all, you can't change the past and you certainly can't go back there. I guess all we can do is hope for a brighter tomorrow, and a chance to enjoy some of the good things that life has to offer.


The laugh of a child discovering something for the first time. The smile on the face of someone in love. Even the sound of the wind rustling through the trees. Joy can be found in the beauty of all God's creations, if we just look for it. Joy can be found in the presence of all those we love as well. Even the ones who are no longer with us.

I Want America Back

Today I was listening to President Bush speak in Vienna (see above link). Sounding like an idiot cowboy who was trying to explain things to all the other cowboys, he was a total embarrassment. Then I listened as the commentators on NPR went on about how much we are hated in Europe and around the world.

America is losing any moral high ground it ever had. We lost it in Vietnam, but gained a lot of it back during the Clinton years. Now we have prison camps in Cuba, people being held for years without access to a court or even a lawyer. Torture is our tool of choice, but even that we like to outsource. I know I will not be traveling to Europe until the Bush years are over. Talk about the ugly American.

When did we become a country that throws out the rule of law any time we are threatened. I know we had some of that during the Civil War, and the two world wars, but that was during an extreme emergency. While the threat of terrorism is very real, it pales in comparison to any of the three conflicts I just mentioned.

If the Republicans hold Congress this Fall, we will have to ask ourselves "who are we?" How can we accept what this party is doing to us and still call ourselves Americans? The Party of God seems to have no moral compass except the will to power.

Living in a Republican Town

I just got a new camera on Friday (a Kodak Z650), and was eager to go out and about taking some pictures. It has been raining heavily for the past few days, so I haven't been able to go anywhere. Today it was sprinkling a little, so I ventured out.

The first place I thought I would visit was my city's veterans' memorial. I drive by it many times, it is just two miles south of my house. I got out of my car and walked the brick-paved path to the obelisk that I thought would list the names of those people from Rochester Hills who have given their lives for their country. Instead I find an original poem written in 1997 when the memorial was built. No "In Flanders Fields" for these folks.

Then I walk next to a very large rock with a marble plaque attached to the top of it. Here I think I will find the names of those brave souls. No, on this beautiful plaque were listed the names of the people who paid for this wonderful memorial. Who was on the flagpole committee, what company donated the asphalt parking lot, etc. Things that generations to come will want to know about. "Gee mommy, did you know that the Acme Flagpole Company paid for those flagpoles way back in the late 20th century?"

So, I kept looking for the names of those lost. I finally looked down at my feet and noticed that some of the brick pavers had writing on them. I thought, how odd they would put their names here. After closer examination I saw that there were some veterans names there, but there were also family names, wives names, etc. If you paid for a paver, you could make it out to anyone you wanted to memorialize.

I walked further, and came upon a small memorial garden. Bending down to read the plaque, I was no longer surprised to see it spoke of those who bought and maintained the garden. How lovely of them.

This, to me, speaks volumes about the difference between a Republican dominated town and all others. It's all about the money, and who paid for what, and what money will buy.

I never did find the names of those who died in each of our many wars. No, this town's heroes are the ones who formed a committee to erect a memorial to veterans, and most especially, to themselves.

This I Believe

How does one put into words all that you believe? How do you even know all that you truly believe? I guess I really don't know, but I know this...

Love is the one thing that really matters in life. It really can conquer all, it really can make life worth living. I'm not just talking about being in love (which is great), I also mean love for other human beings and for all of God's creatures. Love is followed my the milk of human kindness and compassion on my list. These make up the triumvirate of what I believe.

Have you ever been in the depths of despair, where nothing you enjoy brings you any pleasure? Where fear is all around you, coloring your every emotion and interaction?I have experienced this most profoundly while waiting for word on a very sick loved one who was in the hospital. We had no way of knowing if he would live or die. During times like that, even the smallest kindness takes on profound importance. This is when life is cut down to its barest essentials, where all the bull-pucky that makes up our everyday lives just falls away. That's when you see what the most important things in life really are.

This is when you realize that every act of kindness on your part can have a profound effect on those around you. So next time you see someone who needs something, something you can easily provide, don't even hesitate. Plus you will have the added benefit of feeling better about yourself after you do it. It looks like a win-win situation to me. Beats the hell out of turning a blind eye to someone in need.

Too preachy? I know. But I still love you all anyway.

So love me back, it's not so hard to do.

Spring is Here!

Well it looks like Spring is finally here to stay in Michigan. The trees are budding, the tulips and daffodils are in full bloom, and the smell of dog poo is in the air. Ah, Spring. Time to get out my super-duper pooper-scooper and clean up the yard. Luckily, tomorrow looks to be a bright, sunny Spring day.

Spring and Fall have always been my favorite times of the year. Fall colors, the smell of burning leaves, the holidays just around the corner. I love the moderate temperatures most of all. Not that they are all the moderate anymore. Thanks to Bush 1 & 2, the US does not believe that global warming even exists. So, of course, we are not doing anything about it, because it doesn't exist. See how that works? It's called Republican logic. It exists on its own little plane, separate from real logic.

I was thinking the other day, where will I be able to go to feel safe. Still can't think of where a person could run and hide and not be affected by this weather. North, south, east, west, all have their own unique climate challenges. Maybe they will open a hotel on the moon soon, we could all go there and hang out. That way we can see how this all comes out, from a distance.

Then there is Bush's foreign policy. If Iraq wasn't bad enough, now he wants to keep the nuclear option on the table when dealing with Iran. Or as Mr. Bush would say, the nu-cu-lar option. How did we end up with this moron in the White House? It has to do with the polarization of the electorate. The right-wing base will never not support him, no matter what he does. As long as he is with them on the social issues, he will always get that hard-core base to vote for him. It doesn't matter how many former aides, or generals, or CIA agents tell us what an idiot he is on foreign policy, he's got that base. Scary.

Not to mention his arrogance. Actually, the arrogance of his whole administration. Between Rumsfeld and Gonzales, the smug alerts must be going off all the time in the White House. When will Bush realize that he is only a president, not a king?

You may have noticed that I have added some local GLBT news to my site. Between the Lines newspaper is one of our best sources for local gay news in metro Detroit. Check it out.

These are the times...

I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. Life has been on a downward spiral for me for a while. Looks like the world is in the same spiral.

How do we find hope in times like this, times that are not what any of us want or hope for? I am losing my perspective as I age. I wonder where the world I understood has gone. It's not just the news, it's even in the programs we see on TV. So much violence, so much crudeness, so little respect for ourselves and for others.

How do we avoid the fear that the future may not be even as bright as today? Mr. Bush and his fact-denying team don't help. His father wouldn't admit global warming existed, now the current regime is in the same mind-set. Maybe they figure only Democrats live on the coasts, so they can all float away without affecting the Republican base? What a bunch. God, they gotta go.

So what can we do? Well, we can get up every morning, and hope it will be a better day than the day before. Ah, the promise of tomorrow. Never stop believing.

Humankind

Will mankind ever really change? We like to think we live in an enlightened age. We understand so much more now, about so many things. Yet, you look at the news around the world and you see hatred and strife, violence everywhere. Since 9/11 we see even more terror, manifesting itself in ever-changing ways.

But don't you think that everyone always thought they lived in an enlightened age? Having the hindsight of history as their guide, mankind has always looked back to see people much less enlightened (and intelligent). Ah, the arrogance of the present. I am sure we will all look quite barbaric to future generations.

Growing up in the sixties and seventies we thought that the great evil of our age (and all time) had been vanquished, and we just had to wait for the world to become even better. Vietnam was only a small distraction, compared to the two world wars. Hitler and the horrors of the holocaust were the worst of the worst that man had ever seen. The Nuremberg trials showed us that the world had vanquished evil and that we survived. Boy were we wrong.

I know we all just want to feel safe. I used to think if I retired to Europe and I bought a home in the country, that I could leave this messy world behind. Now I can't think of anywhere in the world where I might stay and just watch the world go by (while living in relative safety). Bird flu, terrorism, Republicans, all ever-threatening and striking fear in the hearts of right-minded people.

Maybe I can found the land of Homoslavia, where non-violent (and oh-so-tasteful) people could go and live in peace and harmony??? Where your biggest worry would be what to wear, or what to make for dinner. I am sure it would be a very neat and tidy place.

If people living a thousand years from now look back on us, what will they see? The dark ages, an age of change, an age of enlightenment, boring times? It is so hard to get any kind of perspective while living in an age of uncertainty.

Not Politics as Usual

Well, it looks like some of the Republican leaders in Congress are waking up to the fact that maybe, just maybe, Mr. Bush is missing a few marbles when it comes to our homeland security.

It is one thing to have our ports run by an Arab-owned company, it is quite another to have them run by a company owned by an Arab (or any other foreign) government. Ally or not, I don't think we would want a company owned by the British government running our ports either. The fact that the Bush team sees no problem speaks volumes. This from the same team that brought us hurricane disaster relief.

I still can't get past the fact that the press barely mentioned it when Bush consulted with the Saudi government before the invasion of Iraq. Even before he consulted with his own Secretary of State. Talk about family ties. It was mentioned by a few media outlets, but it should have been a major story.

Then there is the Dick Cheney story. At least the press got that one right. I know the Daily Show had a field day with this one, as did many other late-night comedy shows. It was just too good to pass up.

When the guy Cheney shot apologized to the VP, I about had a cow. What kind of world are they living in anyway? It has gotten to the point where I don't even try to understand it anymore. I just know that if a Democrat gets in the White House in 2008, there had better be a lot of indictments for members of this power hungry administration. It is like they know no bounds. We will do whatever we want, it really doesn't matter what any law says. We're at war, doncha know.

On a personal note, I am still lovin' my new PC. I still can't seem to part with my old one though. I know I need to sell it, because I already have two. I know I need the money, but it has so many memories (and files) I can't seem to let go of. Sniffle.

New Toys

Well, Scotty got a new toy last week. A brand new HP desktop computer. You would think that would bring joy to the land, but noooo. I can't get half the things to transfer over from my old PC, even with an external hard drive. I lost my videos on iTunes and I can't find my bookmarks for Firefox. I am not a happy camper.

I see the President signed the budget bill for the rest of this year. Isn't that nice that he cut Medicaid, Medicare and student loans, while still managing to give tax breaks to the rich? Now if your parents need to go into a nursing home, Medicaid will be even harder to get. Sometimes I just want to bitch-slap the press and ask them why they are not making this a big news item. Today they are still fixated on cartoon violence (it ain't what it used to be).

As I hear more and more about these cartoons and the way the violence is being spread, I have to respect the Danish government for their standing up to the Islamists. I also respect the editor of that paper that first published the cartoon for what he said about freedom of the press. If these Islamists don't like the way Western countries work, then they should head back to the peace and quiet of their own countries. Europe was not designed as a melting pot, like America, and there is no reason those countries should not restrict their immigration. They have native peoples there who still run the country and if these Islamists have brought an atmosphere of fear and intimidation to those lands then they should be booted out, pronto.

The Christianists here wish they had the power to incite riots every time someone says or does something they don't like. With Bush and the Republican guard, they are half way home. Fear can spread so quickly, just look was happened with Janet Jackson's wardrobe incident. Suddenly everyone was afraid to say or do anything the least bit adult on TV (not cable).

Interesting news today about some Evangelical leaders signing a document that states that humans have caused global warming and that humans should work to solve the problem. They state that we are destroying God's creation (Earth) and should reverse course so as to save the planet. Of course, James Dobson and the other hard-liners refused to sign, saying that no one really knows what causes global warming (if it exists at all). Sounds like both sad and happy news. So maybe all American Evangelicals aren't idiots after all.

Is Age Just a Number?

Getting at this ageism thing... I think there is one thing that folks under 40 have to realize. Once you get into middle-age and beyond, you start to see that there is an end to this thing. That all the profound thoughts and idealism of youth really don't matter after a certain point. I am not saying that people grow more cold-hearted as they age (although that might explain Republicans). I am saying that you see the end of your life, you see friends dying in their fifties (and not from AIDS) and you realize that life is short, and you only have so much time to make your life feel well lived.

The one thing I think I treasure more and more as I age is a kind-hearted soul. Every time I meet someone whose kindness and generosity shine through I feel humbled by it and lucky to know them. Give me the Gandhi's and the Martin Luther King's (who were not known for their beauty) of the world any time. That is the true measure of a person.

I don't think gays are really any more ageist than anyone else. Money, power and beauty are the three things that have always mattered most to people. Any combination will get you ahead in the world. If you have all three, then you have hit the jackpot. It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight, substance only matters to a few of us.

Better Living Through Television

TV has suddenly become more interesting lately. First let's start with that scourge of the right-wing, The Book of Daniel. I have watched the first two episodes and I was very impressed by the whole thing. Great writing, acting, music. Throw in a little Jesus and you'd think the born-agains would be happy. But noooo.... You've got the gay people, the druggies, adultery, teenage sex, this is just too much. No wonder four stations have taken it off the air. Mostly in the south, but Indiana could be an honorary member of the southern states. Solidly red, if you will. Christian Campbell has been working out, that adds yet another layer of quality to the show.

Then there is Crumbs, ABC's new comedy on Thursdays. Unfortunately it is up against The Office, which is one of NBC's few hits. Crumbs is also a very good show, and not just because the main character happens to be gay. Fred Savage is so perfect for that role. Actually everyone seems perfectly cast. The music is excellent as well, good to see they were not afraid to use some songs from the pop oeuvre. I would recommend this show to anyone who is a fan of good writing and not just the typical sitcom one-two punch lines. Plus I love me some crazies.

Will and Grace kind of impressed me last week. Their show about The Sound of Music was consistently funny. Not to mention Will finally having a love interest of sorts. I couldn't believe they got Taye Diggs to play the role. Most black guys just don't like to play gay, just ask Will Smith (even though it launched his career in film). I wish this week's show had been as funny. The live thing is okay once, but even going live and throwing in Matt Lauer can't save a bad script. Then to throw in slapstick, I'd expect that from Three's Company, but not from my homies.

I have recently discovered Commander in Chief. I was never a fan of West Wing, so I thought I wouldn't like this show either. Then I bought the pilot on iTunes and fell in love. I hope it helps to prepare America for its first female President. And I'm not talking Hillary or Condi either. Of course the way things are going, Judge Alito will throw us all back to the fifties so a woman in the White House could never happen. After all, he thinks the Warren Court went too far, judicial activists doncha know.

So, set your DVR's and start watching some good programming childrens, Homey will play dat.

And So Life Begins Anew

First week back at work was not too much fun. Seemed like the longest four days on record. Following the story of the trapped miners in West Virginia really brought me down. Those poor families, such unbearable pain.

All the good news on the horizon seems to be coming from Washington. Jack Abramoff, the Republican poster boy for clean living, is singing like a canary. I can't wait until he starts squealing on his friends in the White House too. I hope it really breaks open in late Summer, just in time for the elections. Please let no Dems be involved, please let no Dems be involved...

Looking at today's headlines about IBM freezing their pension plan sent chills up and down my spine. How can all these companies be allowed to do this? When you work for a company your whole life, they shouldn't be allowed to tell you after the fact that your pension will stop. One of the reasons most people select certain companies to work for is because of the benefits offered. You spend 25 years working toward your retirement, thinking you have everything planned (at least the things you thought you could count on), and then POP, in your fifties you have to scramble for another plan for your financial future. Worse yet, you may have to work into your seventies in order to live. It is no coincidence that this is happening when the Republicans control all the branches of government. Those bastards...

But I'm not bitter. I just hope this cycle changes before the environment is destroyed and we are all working for Chinese wages. Such selfish, short-sighted thinking. Don't they care about their own children and grandchildren, or other peoples' children? Sometimes they just make me want to spit...

On a happier note, I'm hoping to get a video iPod soon. My iPod is only six months old, but it doesn't do video. Who can live like that. Now if only I can talk my other half into letting me get it. Maybe I'll say I found it on the street? Left by a homeless man with the same musical tastes as me. Yeah, that'll work.

No, the picture above is not the homeless man. That's me, can't you see that I'm just geezer-licious??? Sorely in need of a shave though. It's all part of being manly I guess. Just call me smilin' Scotty.

2006 Already???

I promise not to do a year-in-review blog. You can't turn the channel on the TV without seeing one of those shows. Okay, we know what happened, we were there.

I would like to talk about the future, however. Not just my future, but the future of us all.

Where is my turban when I need it, I can't even find my crystal ball? I guess I won't be playing Madam Sasha in any local carnivals anytime soon. I keep hoping to see a brighter tomorrow, but looking to Washington that light just keeps getting dimmer.

Bush's poll numbers are starting to go back up, for what reason I don't know. Maybe people like being spied on, maybe we secretly think we are all bad and need to be looked after. Maybe people are just so frightened by the future that civil liberties and the rule of law really don't mean much anymore. I wish I knew (damned crystal ball).

I do know that the right-wing is still way better organized than the left. We don't have built-in meeting places where like-minded people can attend services on a weekly basis. Well, maybe a couple, but not nearly enough. We also don't have the mean-spirited soul that is needed in cut-throat politics (Mr. Frist and Mr. Delay, etc.). That's a good thing and a bad thing. After all, we really don't want to be like them, do we?

So, from this vantage point, the first day of 2006, things look iffy. All we can do is hope and pray that the Dems get their act together and the press takes notice. And that Mr. Bush continues to fall on his face and gets indicted for spying on us illegally. We also have to work toward taking back at least one of the houses of Congress this November. Wouldn't that be loverly...