How Many Ways to be Gay???

I tried to follow the Ted Haggard story last week, but I got lost somewhere in the middle of Oprah. Ted says he is a heterosexual man with homosexual attachments. He states that he is not gay. It all made me think of some of the other famous cases of this type. Larry Craig for example. He also proclaimed loudly that he was not gay.

The gays are attacking saying "come out of the closet", the straights are saying he needs to seek help and forgiveness. Me, I find myself somewhere in the middle, dazed and confused.

Kinsey and his Scale tell us that most of us fall somewhere in between totally straight and totally gay. That sexuality is fluid and can change over time. I have to say that that sounds closest to the truth of anything I have heard. I do believe that some men can be physically attracted to other men, but find it impossible to even consider a romantic attachment. The attraction is strictly physical, they see it as their dirty little secret, rather like wanting to be spanked. Not something that defines them outside of the bedroom.

As to how these men ended up this way, there are many roads they may have followed. The most common road seems to be when they are brought up in a very strict religious household. As they become adults they do not see through all they have been taught, but rather buy into it with great alacrity. What better way to hide than to join the enemy camp. This is how we get our Larry Craigs and Ted Haggards. Fear can be a powerful tool for development. Even on Generation X and Y, it still seems to be working that way. How incredibly sad.

Imagine having your heart pull you one way, and your sex drive pull you another. How sad for you, and for the family you create. More often than not, the wife is the husband's fiercest defender. She too becomes victim to this battle between how he sees himself, and who he really is.

For men of the baby boom generation, I think it is too late to try and save them from themselves. They have spent 50 or 60 years seeing themselves as a flawed heterosexual, rather than as a gay or bisexual man. Trying to redefine yourself at that age requires great strength of character, strength that most men don't possess. Especially not after they have built a life around this duality.

This looks like one of those issues that will never resolve itself. We can only hope that this type of behavior will diminish as the generations pass, and society becomes more enlightened. I want to believe in a tomorrow where kids can grow up to be themselves, so long as what they are does not harm anyone (Jeffery Dahmer needed to be a little less himself). Here's hoping for fewer Teds and Larrys in our future.