Guns and Suicide

I was surprised, recently, when I learned that just over half of all gun related deaths in this country are suicides.  That number has been pretty consistent for a while (rate of 50-60%).  I had no idea that the biggest threat this country faces from guns is suicide.  Murder, murder-suicide, mass killings etc., that is what we think of when we think of most gun violence in the US of A.

NBC is running a three day series on gun violence in America.  They have tracked (over the MLK holiday weekend) the number of reported gun related deaths in the US.  They have an interactive map where you can click on any colored symbol and they will tell you what happened and who died.  You can check it out at: http://openchannel.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/02/09/16912259-death-takes-no-holiday-tracking-gun-violence-over-one-long-january-weekend?lite

The stories run from the terribly sad (husband kills wife and self because she had a terminal illness).  To horrifying (estranged husband kills wife and self at his daughter's 17th birthday party).  You can imagine the number of robberies gone wrong, gang fights, and wrong-place wrong-time deaths.  All this is so common in our country that it doesn't really have to be explained.

The one story that stood out, for me, was the first story they mention in their series.  18 year old University of Idaho freshman shoots himself in his dorm room.  U of I is located in Moscow, ID, which is on Idaho's western border with Washington state.  The young man's nickname was "cowboy" and based on his obituary he seemed to have quite a lust for life.

I did some Google searches and kept coming across only one obituary for him.  It was written by his parents and printed in many different newspapers as well as on the web.  If you want to read the obit, you can go to: http://dnews.com/obituaries/article_02ce6c33-5f74-51ea-9adc-870f4f7463e9.html.

Everything his parents wrote spoke of their pride for their son and all he stood for.  He was an only child and raised in a religious household of very proud gun owners.  The day before he killed himself his dorm mate had reported to authorities that Jason (the deceased) had a gun in their dorm room.  In Idaho it is not illegal to carry guns, no permits necessary.  But at the U of I everyones' guns had to be locked up in a central safe controlled by the university.

Jason went to the local police station to retrieve his gun, and was told he couldn't have it back until after the holiday weekend on Tuesday, when the gun safe was available at the U of I (this was late Friday night).  When he got back to his dorm, his roommate had moved out.  Turns out that Jason had more than one gun of his own (no surprise).  Jason then used that handgun to shoot himself in the head, just before noon on Saturday.

I kept asking myself, why would a boy like this want to kill himself?  Reading his obit I saw that he loved "cowboy shooting" and won many awards in sports and in school.  He seemed like the good guy in the white hat, so full of life.

It wasn't until I read what his parents had written that I started to think that a big piece of the puzzle was missing.  They mentioned that Jason was very close to Jesus, and would fight for what was right even in the darkness of such places as "gun-free zones"?  They went on about his faith in God and his love of guns and shooting.

I can think of only two things that could bring a boy like Jason to suicide.  Either he was suffering from severe depression (although no one mentioned any behavior to indicate that) or he was hiding something.  Something that he could not live with, or that his parents or peers could not accept.

Most young gay men growing up in some parts of this country believe only the stereotypes they have heard about gay men.  When they are not out dressed up as girls, they are molesting a child, or seducing a drunken roommate/friend while they sleep.  Cowardice is also part of the stereotype.  For generations, straight men had always assumed that gay men should not be in the military because they weren't manly enough, and would certainly turn tail and run when attacked.  They had no real evidence for this, but it was convenient to blame acts of cowardice on someone so unlike themselves.

In this highly religious, gun loving family in western Idaho, I am sure that if Jason thought for one minute that he might be gay, he would fight with everything he had to prove otherwise.  Meaning, he can't be gay because he loves sports, is a Christian and loves guns.  Even in 2013 in places like Idaho it is near impossible to convince someone that gays come in all shapes and sizes and can be everything Jason was and also be gay.

Jason probably had no concept of this, so he would not even know where to reach out to get help for his self-loathing.  He lived right on the border with Washington, where gays are even allowed to get married.  Yet he couldn't see beyond what he had always known.  Gay could never be a good thing, and only shame and dishonor would come to him and his family if they ever found out.

All this is strictly conjecture, of course, but it is the only explanation I can think of right now.  His parents so vigorously defended his masculinity going so far as to say that Jason was not fond of flowers and to just send donations to his local Catholic high school sports program in his honor (in lieu of flowers).

I feel nothing but sorrow for both Jason and his parents.  I cannot imagine the kind of pain they are in, losing their only child.  I can only hope and pray for a time when stories like Jason's end in a much happier way.  Finding love and acceptance and living his life knowing that what he is was nothing to be ashamed of.  Perhaps he would have met someone, gotten married to him, and even had children.  Jason seemed like he would make a great dad, as he was already a fine young man.

Keeping Secrets

I have something to confess.  Well, not just one something, but two.  I don't know who else I can talk to about this, so you are it.

Over the last year or so I have become increasingly addicted to my Kindle.  First it was the classic 3G Kindle, then the Kindle Fire and now the Kindle Fire HD.  No matter where I go, no matter what I'm doing, my Kindle is never far.

I have an even worse confession to make.  I became addicted to my Kindle as a result of becoming addicted to gay romance novels (technically referred to as m/m fiction).  I don't know how it happened, or why I find these books so comforting, but I do.

The thing that surprised me at first about the genre was that it was growing so fast.  Then I discovered that the vast majority of these romance novels were written by women.  Usually married women with children at home.  Then I discovered that well over half of the readers of these novels are straight women.  That could account for the rapid growth, if a whole new market is being tapped to sell these books.

Most of the books are okay, some are just too formulaic and some just have way too much sex in them.  If you want to read a lot of sex novels, look under erotica, not romance.  But there are some really good authors out there.  Authors whose new books I would buy without question (Josh Lanyon, Andrew Grey, etc).  Then there is the hit and miss stuff.

If you want to start reading some of these books,  you should start with a group on Goodreads.  They have an m/m romance group with over 9000 members so far.  There are a lot of great reviews in there, and the folks there are very happy to answer any questions you might have.

Just be warned, these are not the bodice ripping, heaving bosom, he touched my soul kinda books.  Some of these female authors really know how to write a sex scene.  A very, detailed, sex scene.  Most of the books have heat ratings in their reivews, so start by looking for one with a low heat rating, and then you can work your way up to the more explicit, if you are still interested.

I find myself skipping some of the sex scenes if they get too repetitive.  It is nice to have sex portrayed in these books, but the plots are usually far more interesting.  Sometimes a book will have only romance and no sex except maybe a kiss or two.

There are also a lot of sub-genres.  Vampires, werewolves, shape shifters, three way relationships, BDSM, etc,  So be careful what you look for, it might end up being a story about a werewolf who has to find his life mate, and it ain't no female. 

If you think you might be interested, start at Goodreads (link below), then go over to Amazon if you want to purchase your books.  They usually have the best prices and the best selection.

Good luck, and be careful out there.
http://www.goodreads.com/

Gay Marriage Equality

As a man who came of age in the 1970's and witnessed all the changes then, I still marvel at all we have accomplished so far in the century.  I know we have a long way to go, but when I was just coming out, the idea of gay marriage was no where to be found, not even in my imagination.

That is one great benefit that the next generation will have.  The ideas in their dreams will not start out stifled.  They know that they can have the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids and the dog (if they want it) and someone to love them the rest of their lives.  I hope that this helps them to grow up in a more positive light, not thinking themselves inferior beings not deserving of marriage (much like slaves and inter-racial couples were).

In 1940 there were 31 states in the US that had laws on the books making inter-racial marriage illegal.  Today there are 31 states that have constitutional bans against gay marriage equality.  It wasn't until 1967 that those inter-racial marriage laws were changed, and then only by the Supreme Court.  70% of those polled (in the US) at the time thought that inter-racial marriage was wrong.  We seem to be changing minds a little faster then that, but we still have the rest of the world to work on.

Don't even get me started on Russia.  First they want to ban gays even talking about homosexuality to anyone under 18.  Now the Russian Army thinks they have a way of finding out if their soldiers or recruits are gay.  The gays will be the ones with the tattoos on their penises.  The Iron Curtain may have fallen, but I think it may have fallen on some of the Russian leaders' heads.

Let us pray for our gay brothers and sisters throughout the world as they struggle for even the most basic human rights.  And let us also pray that our country will keep moving forward until a time when the promise of equality found in the Constitution will apply to all of us.