Is Age Just a Number?

Getting at this ageism thing... I think there is one thing that folks under 40 have to realize. Once you get into middle-age and beyond, you start to see that there is an end to this thing. That all the profound thoughts and idealism of youth really don't matter after a certain point. I am not saying that people grow more cold-hearted as they age (although that might explain Republicans). I am saying that you see the end of your life, you see friends dying in their fifties (and not from AIDS) and you realize that life is short, and you only have so much time to make your life feel well lived.

The one thing I think I treasure more and more as I age is a kind-hearted soul. Every time I meet someone whose kindness and generosity shine through I feel humbled by it and lucky to know them. Give me the Gandhi's and the Martin Luther King's (who were not known for their beauty) of the world any time. That is the true measure of a person.

I don't think gays are really any more ageist than anyone else. Money, power and beauty are the three things that have always mattered most to people. Any combination will get you ahead in the world. If you have all three, then you have hit the jackpot. It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight, substance only matters to a few of us.

Better Living Through Television

TV has suddenly become more interesting lately. First let's start with that scourge of the right-wing, The Book of Daniel. I have watched the first two episodes and I was very impressed by the whole thing. Great writing, acting, music. Throw in a little Jesus and you'd think the born-agains would be happy. But noooo.... You've got the gay people, the druggies, adultery, teenage sex, this is just too much. No wonder four stations have taken it off the air. Mostly in the south, but Indiana could be an honorary member of the southern states. Solidly red, if you will. Christian Campbell has been working out, that adds yet another layer of quality to the show.

Then there is Crumbs, ABC's new comedy on Thursdays. Unfortunately it is up against The Office, which is one of NBC's few hits. Crumbs is also a very good show, and not just because the main character happens to be gay. Fred Savage is so perfect for that role. Actually everyone seems perfectly cast. The music is excellent as well, good to see they were not afraid to use some songs from the pop oeuvre. I would recommend this show to anyone who is a fan of good writing and not just the typical sitcom one-two punch lines. Plus I love me some crazies.

Will and Grace kind of impressed me last week. Their show about The Sound of Music was consistently funny. Not to mention Will finally having a love interest of sorts. I couldn't believe they got Taye Diggs to play the role. Most black guys just don't like to play gay, just ask Will Smith (even though it launched his career in film). I wish this week's show had been as funny. The live thing is okay once, but even going live and throwing in Matt Lauer can't save a bad script. Then to throw in slapstick, I'd expect that from Three's Company, but not from my homies.

I have recently discovered Commander in Chief. I was never a fan of West Wing, so I thought I wouldn't like this show either. Then I bought the pilot on iTunes and fell in love. I hope it helps to prepare America for its first female President. And I'm not talking Hillary or Condi either. Of course the way things are going, Judge Alito will throw us all back to the fifties so a woman in the White House could never happen. After all, he thinks the Warren Court went too far, judicial activists doncha know.

So, set your DVR's and start watching some good programming childrens, Homey will play dat.

And So Life Begins Anew

First week back at work was not too much fun. Seemed like the longest four days on record. Following the story of the trapped miners in West Virginia really brought me down. Those poor families, such unbearable pain.

All the good news on the horizon seems to be coming from Washington. Jack Abramoff, the Republican poster boy for clean living, is singing like a canary. I can't wait until he starts squealing on his friends in the White House too. I hope it really breaks open in late Summer, just in time for the elections. Please let no Dems be involved, please let no Dems be involved...

Looking at today's headlines about IBM freezing their pension plan sent chills up and down my spine. How can all these companies be allowed to do this? When you work for a company your whole life, they shouldn't be allowed to tell you after the fact that your pension will stop. One of the reasons most people select certain companies to work for is because of the benefits offered. You spend 25 years working toward your retirement, thinking you have everything planned (at least the things you thought you could count on), and then POP, in your fifties you have to scramble for another plan for your financial future. Worse yet, you may have to work into your seventies in order to live. It is no coincidence that this is happening when the Republicans control all the branches of government. Those bastards...

But I'm not bitter. I just hope this cycle changes before the environment is destroyed and we are all working for Chinese wages. Such selfish, short-sighted thinking. Don't they care about their own children and grandchildren, or other peoples' children? Sometimes they just make me want to spit...

On a happier note, I'm hoping to get a video iPod soon. My iPod is only six months old, but it doesn't do video. Who can live like that. Now if only I can talk my other half into letting me get it. Maybe I'll say I found it on the street? Left by a homeless man with the same musical tastes as me. Yeah, that'll work.

No, the picture above is not the homeless man. That's me, can't you see that I'm just geezer-licious??? Sorely in need of a shave though. It's all part of being manly I guess. Just call me smilin' Scotty.

2006 Already???

I promise not to do a year-in-review blog. You can't turn the channel on the TV without seeing one of those shows. Okay, we know what happened, we were there.

I would like to talk about the future, however. Not just my future, but the future of us all.

Where is my turban when I need it, I can't even find my crystal ball? I guess I won't be playing Madam Sasha in any local carnivals anytime soon. I keep hoping to see a brighter tomorrow, but looking to Washington that light just keeps getting dimmer.

Bush's poll numbers are starting to go back up, for what reason I don't know. Maybe people like being spied on, maybe we secretly think we are all bad and need to be looked after. Maybe people are just so frightened by the future that civil liberties and the rule of law really don't mean much anymore. I wish I knew (damned crystal ball).

I do know that the right-wing is still way better organized than the left. We don't have built-in meeting places where like-minded people can attend services on a weekly basis. Well, maybe a couple, but not nearly enough. We also don't have the mean-spirited soul that is needed in cut-throat politics (Mr. Frist and Mr. Delay, etc.). That's a good thing and a bad thing. After all, we really don't want to be like them, do we?

So, from this vantage point, the first day of 2006, things look iffy. All we can do is hope and pray that the Dems get their act together and the press takes notice. And that Mr. Bush continues to fall on his face and gets indicted for spying on us illegally. We also have to work toward taking back at least one of the houses of Congress this November. Wouldn't that be loverly...

Breaking Boundaries

There aren't many times in your life, when you sit down in a movie theater, and you know something is changing. Such is the case with me today, when I went to see Brokeback Mountain. I saw people sitting in a crowded theater on a Sunday afternoon, watching something that could make them very uncomfortable, and not blinking an eye.

Before it gets over-hyped, or over-backlashed, let me just say that it is a very well made movie that shows America something it has rarely seen. A realistic portrayal of two men in love and the devastation that society's mores have on them.

Whether you are on the left or the right, it really doesn't matter. These two characters show what repression and hatred can do to two human beings. What self-loathing and denial produce. You see that the burden of society's expectations is often crushing.

The ex-gays look at this movie and see it as something else altogether. They see two married men who should have remained faithful to their wives. I see two men who should have remained faithful only to each other, never having married any women. Lies destroy the wives and children as well as the husband and father. Not to mention the man on the outside.

I hope America embraces this film, sees it for what it really is. Not a political statement, but the story of hopes and dreams thwarted and lives denuded. I hope even folks in the red states will go see it, and not just in the big cities. Anyone who has ever felt the pain of loss or loneliness will find it speaks to their hearts.

Holiday Cheer

As we begin another December, let us try and remember what this special season of the year really means. Strings of street lights, even stop lights, blink a bright red and green, as the shoppers rush home with their treasures. Hear the snow crunch, see...

The Christianists are screaming that stores shouldn't say Happy Holidays, because that takes the Christ out of Christmas. Well folks, their customer base consists of a lot more than just Christians. There are other religions, including paganism, that celebrate holidays this time of year. It is like these folks have no shame, everyone must bow down so that we can make this a Christian nation.

Then the Christianists got mad because people started calling them holiday trees not Christmas trees. Considering the fact that the idea of cutting down a tree and decorating it every December started long before Christianity was invented, I don't think they have much of an argument there either.

Now the Christianists are positing the idea that the US of A was founded as a Christian nation, and that all the founding fathers agreed on that. Well, if you look back at the history of the founding of this nation, especially at the drafting of the Constitution, you will see that the Christainists back then wanted to put more God in, but the secularists were able to keep God out (mostly). So the secularists won one way back in the 18th century, and now the Christiano-fascists are trying to fight this battle anew.

I fear for this land of ours when I see how emboldened the right-wingers are in their makeover of our country. Alito is probably the biggest thing they have accomplished that cannot be overturned by a right-thinking government (that we can elect next November). I hope America is waking up to all that is going on around them, before we end up being a theocracy along the lines of Iran and (formerly) Afghanistan. God help us if that happens.

Love That Man Murtha

I was just watching Congressman Murtha on The Situation Room. It is really hard to see this guy as a fast talking politician. He is so straightforward, such a straight shooter that you really have to marvel at the Republicans for attacking him personally. What were they thinking? I guess it was their typical knee-jerk reaction to any critic. Let's do a little character assassination.

Let's just step back from Murtha and the war and look at the bigger political picture. America is finally seeing Bush and his cronies for what they are, a talking machine with little substance. It's like the emperor's new clothes, this guy's got nothin'. I wonder what took everyone so long?

Cheney comes out of his bunker to bash anyone who dares to criticize the Bush policies, sneering the whole time. You're hurting our troops, giving comfort to the enemy, he says. No, what we are doing is showing the enemy that we live in a democracy and we can disagree with each other and still be united in our fight against religious fanatics. President Bush does not equal the US of A. You can criticize the President while still being a patriot. If the right-wing felt so strongly about it, why did they spend eight years tearing down Clinton?

Let's also look at the growing Jack Abramoff scandal. Today we see one of his cronies pleading guilty and agreeing to testify against his former friend. I can't wait to see this scandal unfold completely. You know that Tom DeLay and Ralph Reed are right in the middle of it. The hypocrisy of these guys is just beyond belief.

More scales will soon be falling from our eyes. What's left to see in the contiuing saga of Operation Desert Mask? Much more I would wager.

We Are All God

Most evolutionary theories posit that all life began with a single cell. That we all evolved from that cell into what we are today. It took millions of years, but eventually we all became complex creatures living in a very complex world.

Now what if that one cell was actually God? What if God is not a being as we know it, but a giant entity that encompasses all of us? What if the light of God is in each and every one of us? Passed on with the gift of life???

Each time we help our fellow man, we lift someone up, those are God's hands doing it? Every time we achieve great things, that is God in action.

I know it sounds like a strange concept, but how else can God really manifest him/herself but through our actions? There are the wonders of nature, of course, but that could be just another part of what God became.

Horrible things happen all the time, that could be God too. No one wants to believe that God could be responsible for evil, violence, disease and the wrath of nature. But who's to say that God sees these things as bad? Maybe in the greater scheme of things they are not.

Maybe God is just that divine spark in everything, moving mankind and the universe forward? Maybe it is what we call the life force?

One part of this theory would have to be that there is some kind of a plan in all this and that this journey we call life is not just a series of random events not leading us anywhere. I think we all need to believe in a higher purpose, something greater than ourselves. After all, we are the sum of our (God's) parts.

More About the Journey

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Lucky Bitch Radio with Wanda Wisdom, and as usual I learned a lot. Wanda was talking about being happy, and how she, as a recovering alcoholic, has finally found peace. She said she had always been goal oriented and thought that happiness would come when those goals were reached. Well, happiness wasn't there at the end of the road. What she realized then was that she never had a plan for being happy along the way.

Being happy on the journey, what a concept. Since life is all about the journey, it sounds like something we should all be thinking about. Instead of just saying "some day" I will be happy, when I reach retirement, or graduate, or get that new job, etc., we need to start thinking about today (where have you heard this before).

I know there is always booze and drugs, but that is not much of a long term plan for happiness. We all need something to get us through from day to day, until we reach the end. Friends help a great deal, money seems to help to. There is always family, but that can be a mixed blessing. Then there is the search for meaning in all this.

I think that doing what you love to do on a daily basis is probably the best way to stay happy. Those of us who are tied to our jobs with golden handcuffs may have to wait a while to do exactly what makes us happy. But for those of you who are still young enough, don't spend your life doing something just to get by, just to earn a living. Get out there and find out what makes you happy and just maybe the journey will be a joyous one.

Tempus Fugit

I firmly believe that the older you get, the faster time goes. It seems like the 9th grade lasted a lifetime, but 1982 seems not that long ago.

I look at my life and think, at best, I have thirty or forty years to live. Then I think back over the last 30 years, and wonder where it all went. How did I get to be this middle-aged man who can retire (early) in the next few years?

The hardest thing to grasp is seeing old friends who have retired and realizing it was so many years ago. Wondering if my retirement years will go by in a flash. What can I do to slow down this ceaseless march of time? How can I savor every minute of my remaining life?

You can't really hold on to things, or people. They come and go whenever they will. You can't really stop, look, listen and make time stand still either. All you can really do is try to live the best life you can. Rid yourself of negative emotions. Try to make every waking moment a happy one.

Every time I start to feel angry, resentful, or petty, I stop and try to hold these feelings at bay. Try to look at why that person is so rude, or wonder - do I really resent that someone has that much more than I do. I am usually able to push these feelings away and keep them away. I don't know how or why I am able to do it, but I am very glad that I can.

So the next time you feel those crappy negative emotions heading your way, stop, think and let it roll off you like an indictment off Tom Delay's back.

Crazy Daze

I have always thought that the right-wing media machine merely spun things their way and occasionally exaggerated. It has become apparent recently that this is not the case. Turns out they have their own little (or big) alternate reality. In this world they really believe that Vince Foster was killed because Hillary and/or Bill put a hit out on him to keep him quiet. Same with Ron Brown. They show x-rays of his skull with a small entry wound at the top, in their world a bullet hole.

This is just the extreme end of their world. They also believe that Clinton is to blame for the recession that recently ended and that George the 1st was responsible for the Clinton boom that lasted longer than any other in history.

They believe that the Clintons and their ilk stole everything but the kitchen sink when they left the White House, even though later news reports indicated that it was all a Repub exaggeration to make the Dems look bad.

The list is endless. Anything bad that has ever happened was the Dems fault, all good things can be traced back to Reagan or Bush. They even rip Jimmy Carter apart saying he tried making a deal with the Soviets when he saw he could not win in 1980. What he thought the Soviets could do for him is left unexplained. Like most Repub BS, they figure if you say it enough times it will become the truth.

Lefties support dictators, the Catholic church never murdered anyone, and gays are taking over the country. The islamo-terrorists are every left-wingers best friend, and when we aren't hanging out with them we are performing abortions just for fun.

The idea that they could actually have a lucid discussion about the issues seems almost impossible. We'd both have to live in the same world for that to happen.

Judging by Bush's latest poll numbers I think their strategy has not been working too well lately. I can only hope that if Rove gets indicted that would put a huge nail in the coffin of the right-wing attack machine. But since reality seems to mean little to these people, it is hard to say if that will have any effect whatsoever.

What Have You Done Today (to make you feel proud)

If you don't know a lot about Brit-pop, you probably won't recognize the song title above. I find myself returning to this song over and over again for inspiration.

Today we buried a good friend of mine. She died of cancer at the age of 50. Way before her time. She was a kind and gentle soul who was always concerned with the welfare of others. Someone you were actually happy to know.

As her casket was rolled out of the church and all our tears flowed, I realized just how important today is. One year ago my friend seemed perfectly healthy. Today she is dead.

She did everything she was supposed to. Had annual checkups, exercised, ate right, went to church every week. I feel a deep sadness, tinged with fear, for myself and those I love.

What is this all telling us children? Well, we knew that there were no guarantees in life, but the older you get the more you see this happening every day. How someone in their 80's makes it through the day is beyond me. It must be ever present in their lives.

In the meantime, let's do just what the song suggests. Savor every minute we have. No day but today...

Our German Shepard

Yes, being about 75% German myself, I was trying to put the best face on this new pope. Let's give him a chance, I said. Maybe he will grow into the job.

As the linked article (above) clearly shows, this guy is much worse than first thought. Banning gays from the priesthood??? That's like banning women from being nurses. It's just the way it has always been.

I grew up in a strict Lutheran household, so I don't have too much invested in the Catholic church. Except that there are over a billion people professing the faith, which makes it kind of important to all of us. If you ignore them, they won't just go away.

We all know why this is being done. The church has never really addressed their child abuse scandal. So now they figure they can blame it on the gays. It wasn't the churches fault that they (the church) kept covering up for all these perverts, transferring them around the country just to get them out of the way. Never calling the police to report what unspeakable acts had been performed with these kids. No, they don't want to talk about how they dealt with the problem. How they could have stopped much of the abuse by booting these guys out right away.

Most Americans often equate gays with pederasts, but gays are far less likely to molest children than straights are. I am not even sure if you can use the term gay and straight for a pederast. I think it is just a predilection for children. The power over them, not having to deal with an equal in a relationship, etc. I think the church is counting on most American's misconceptions.

The other thing the Pope's minions will be doing here is ferreting out dissidents in all of our seminaries. Gay, straight, it doesn't matter, if they speak (at all) against the teachings of the church, they are out! It's like we just went back 500 years.

When Galileo was hauled before the Pope's rep, he was told that the earth could not possibly revolve around the sun. He ended up backing down, but that did not change the facts. It wasn't until the late 20th century that the church finally apologized for what they had done. How long will we have to wait for any apology for this Pope's behavior? When I think of all the needy people on this planet who could use the church's help, just to live, and the church is spending its energy rooting out gays and dissidents.

What I don't understand is why American Catholics don't break from Rome and just have their own church? Most Americans don't agree with the Pope on birth control, divorce, artificial insemination, celibacy, the list is endless. So why don't they just break off and go in a more forward direction? We can call it The Great Schism of 2005.

I think we need to have a bitch-slap the Pope day. I would really like to get my hands on that twit. The worst part is, he is probably a closet case himself.

Life Carries On

Just when I think this power of positive thinking thing is workin' for me, I find out that a good friend of mine is on a vent in Intensive Care, dying from cancer. We all thought she was doing better, but that is not how it turned out. She just turned 50 in March, so we are all just devastated.

Suddenly I hear my more religious friends wonder if God really does answer prayers. Being a spiritual but not necessarily a religious person, I don't have any answer. I thought religion was supposed to comfort people at a time like this. She's going to a better place, she won't have to live with this earthly toil, etc. There's the comfort of religion. A place to rest, where it is not all about the journey anymore.

Faith can be shaken, I know, I have seen that many times before. If it can't, then you are probably not very bright and can't think through things very easily. God gave us the power of reason, and that often conflicts with any faith we may hold.

I often find comfort in the circle of life. I remember seeing my pregnant sister-in-law standing at my grandmother's death bed. I saw it again as my pregnant niece-in-law stood at her mother-in-law's death bed. It is all about renewal and the power of life to carry on. Even if it is not necessarily your life. That's when it gets really hard to see the circle, as only the end is visible.

Time Passages

Trying to find our way through life, we often find ourselves depending on others for comfort and solace. As we travel down life's road we often lose these people along the way. People die or move away, or can't find time for you anymore (and vice versa).

Look back on life's road and think of all the people you thought would always be around. All the friends from college that meant so much to you, who you haven't heard from in years. All the loved ones who have died long before their time.

I visualize walking down a road, hand in hand in hand with the people who have been important to me, and gradually as I keep walking they all let go (one by one) and I am left alone. No matter how hard I try and hold them tight, they let go, and disappear into the mist. Off onto another path, on earth or otherwise.

How do you keep going, how do you find your way again? How do you recreate that sense of community that existed in the past? Tears only last so long, then you sit there looking for happiness again.

As you age you don't make friends as quickly and easily as you did in your twenties. I so don't want to end up lonely and bitter. Having other people around keeps you young and keeps your mind active, and studies have shown that social interaction helps keep depression at bay.

So folks, I will endeavor to be more outgoing and see what comes of it. See, I'm smilin' already, "Hey - how ya doin' today..."

Yikes!

Even I never thought Bush and his cronies could screw up this much. After all they are a well-oiled machine.

Let's start with Katrina. How do you wait for five days to fully respond to a disaster, in a place where said disaster has been predicted for years? How do you cut funds for completing a levee system for a city that is basically a bowl or dry land surrounded by water? Then spend that diverted money on Iraq? I could go on and on (and frequently have).

Main Entry: New Or·leans
Pronunciation: 'or-lE-&nz, 'or-l&nz, 'orl-y&nz, (")or-'lEnz
Usage: geographical name
city & port SE Louisiana between Lake Pontchartrain & Mississippi River population 496,938

People (not just Kanye West) say that the Bushies did this because they are racist . I don't really buy that. I think that they looked at the New Orleans area and saw a Democratic stronghold, and really weren't too concerned after that. These aren't potential voters, so let's not be too worried about them.

Let's move on to John Roberts. How do you nominate a 50 year old man with two years on the bench to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court? Think of all the great jurists out there in this country of ours, how do we end up with this man who has so little experience. I'm not saying I wanted Scalia as Chief Justice, but how about asking Sandra Day O'Connor back, or something!!! Roberts may be bright, but he is not the best man for this job.

And what about putting more women on the court??? We have one woman now (on a 9 person court), when women make up over half of this country's population. Sometimes I think Georgy Porgy just goes with his gut instincts, thinking they are infallible. Well, guess what, they are not.

Mother Sheehan

The Republican Machine is at it again. This time it is a poor mother who has lost her son in Iraq. They set out their talking points trying to tear her down, stopping at nothing in their quest to destroy the truth.

What is her crime exactly, oh yeah, she wants a few words with the President. He hasn't met with anyone he disagrees with for years. All his audiences are pre-screened and ask him pre-screened questions. Sounds more like the leader of North Korea than of the US doesn't it? "Yes fearless leader, I want to tell you how much I appreciate all you have done for us." Jeff Gannon wasn't the first plant and he won't be the last.

Getting back to Cindy Sheehan. I know not all parents react to the death of a child in the same way. It seems there have always been grieving mothers of soldiers at war. But no one can discount the way they handle their grief. They have to do what works for them. Any way to ease the pain and suffering they have endured/are enduring. Just trying to imagine that kind of pain is too much for me.

So, let's send Cindy our love and support. So the Borg and their constant barrage will not be the dominant voice heard by America. Whether we think our kids should come home now or not, we all know that this war has only made the war on terror an even bigger nightmare. Iraq is now the center for terrorists from all over the mid-east. What a giant mistake.

Not to mention what is has done to the price of gasoline...

Scotty O Goes to the Fair

Well, we made it out to the State Fair today. It is the 100th anniversary of the fair (in Detroit) although it is the country's oldest state fair, originally begun in 1849 (which is old by new world standards).


We had a nice time there. We saw (and smelled) some livestock, learned about animal husbandry, and the miracle of life. Ate corn dogs and elephant ears. Walked down the midway. A good time was had by all. The weather was just perfect.

These are some of the photos from my day.

Summer's End

Why is it that every year, summer starts in all the stores in March, and fall starts in early July. I went out to try to find some pool supplies in late July, and most stuff was gone. Try to find summer clothes in August and most of them are gone as well.

Do retailers ever actually live in the moment? I can find Halloween decorations in August, but not plastic patio furniture. I can get Christmas decorations in September, but the fall clothes are mostly gone.

It must really drive the teachers crazy. Hearing about back to school sales in July when they are not even half way through their summer vacations. I imagine the only folks not bothered by this time-shifting retailers like to do are the retirees. They can just relax and live their lives from day to day not really caring what's going on around them. I look forward to being one of them some day.

So, I just hang out in my pool, in the heat, knowing that it really is summer for at least another 5 weeks or so. Trying to keep my reality in the present moment. I sweat on a bike ride, looking for a cool breeze. Baking in the summer sun.

Podcasting

I recently discovered the world of Podcasting. For those of you who don't know what it is, just download iTunes from apple.com and click on podcasts in the Music Store.

Anyway, I have a first generation iPod, 20 gig, and have been listening to music on it for years. Now that I have discovered podcasting, I need more room. So, this week I ordered the latest (4th generation) iPod, 30 gig, from Amazon and am expecting delivery any day now.

Out there in the podisphere there are many interesting and many truly awful podcasts. The only way to find out what's what is to download some podcasts and give them a listen. I have downloaded many gay and non-gay casts. I also listen to some of the more mainstream and commercial ones too. What's really nice about podcasting is that you get to listen to your favorite shows (I love Al Franken and On the Media), when they are convenient for you. Great on a long bike ride or when walking on nature trails, or even driving in the car.

I listened to some gay shows that sounded like they were created by Hollywood's central casting. Bitchy queens, with high pitched voices or lisps, dishing dirt and calling each other girlfriend. All talking about sex and, of course, the penis. As if that is all there is to gay life. I suppose that is really how some folks are, but it really puts me off. I guess I need to hear from people more like myself, regular guys leading fairly ordinary lives. Where sex is just one part of their lives, not the be all and end all of it.

There are podcasts out there for every interest, so give it try. You might just discover a brave new world.